Happy Happy

Happy new year, all. May your next 365 days be full of laughter, love, pizza, and winning sports teams of your choice. As long as they don't conflict with the sports teams of my choice.

Snippets

Co-worker (CW) has a lesbian roommate who has taken up with a woman old enough to have a 30-year relationship with another woman. Said "another woman" was then unceremoniously kicked out of the house to make way for the new 20-year-old girlfriend.

ME: It's the same thing as an old man dumping his wife for some young chickie. But at least if it was a dirty old man, his wife would probably get the house.

CW: That's true.

CW is always telling stories about her "lesbian roommate". I say "lesbian roommate" in quotes, because it's never just her "roommate". She has admitted she thinks homosexual activity is disgusting, but says she's not prejudiced. "I have a gay guy friend!" In her defense, she's disgusted by sodomy between men and women as well.

Gay marriage came up, and she said she's against it for religious purposes. We weren't very busy, so I figured I'd delve a little. It was friendly banter, believe it or not.

ME: So you don't believe that all men are created equal with certain inalienable rights bestowed by their Creator, eh?

CW: What?

ME: You know, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

CW: How does being against gay marriage go against that? You don't get to pursue happiness by sinning. Killing customers would make me happy sometimes, and I shouldn't do that.

ME: So doing it up the butt is equivalent to a shooting spree.

CW: That's oversimplifying a lot.

ME: Maybe. But you're definitely saying that their right to happiness is not equal to yours. That their love is not equal to yours.

CW: I am not!

ME: But you can fall in love with somebody and make a life that is worthy of society's respect and protection. According to you, a homosexual can't love like you can, and their love and life isn't worthy of protection--to say nothing of respect. You can run to city hall tomorrow and marry someone you meet tonight, and that is a right worth protecting, but a person who happens to be gay can love somebody for thirty years and then be thrown out into the street without any rights at all.

CW: I'm not saying any of that. It is just not right. It says so in the Bible.

ME: Did you go to church on Christmas?

CW: Shut up. That's not even relevant.

ME: Fine. Just admit that you think homosexuals are incapable of love like heterosexuals and that their love and happiness is unworthy of respect or protection.

CW: No, because I don't think that. I'm not a bigot.

ME: Admit you think they're not equal to you. You're morally superior to them.

CW: I'm not admitting anything. You're twisting it around.

ME: Just trying to make you think about it, that's all.

CW: You let homosexuals marry, and then how do you argue against polygamy?

ME: How is that related? Marriage is between two people. Redefining it to be between two people rather than a man and a woman doesn't open the door to polygamy. Besides, is polygamy really so wrong?

CW: What?!

ME: Sure. The Mormons and the Muslims and who knows who else. It works for them. And marriage between a person and a goat. What's wrong with protecting the goat's rights?

CW: Right, Jen.

ME: Of course, they'll have trouble signing the marriage license, what with the hooves and all. And responding to divorce papers may be problematic, but I'm sure the lawyers will work it out somehow.

I don't think I changed her mind, and I didn't think I would. But personally, I could never look another monogamous and loving person in the eye and say, "You're not equal to me. Your love is not worthy like my love is worthy. Your love is so horrible that it threatens the very fabric of society. But I can't wait to see your next Broadway show. Dance for me, monkey! Dance!"

But hey, that's just me. Trying to save 60-year-old homeless lesbians and goats the world over. And Nathan Lane. Love Nathan Lane.

Ankle Deep in Pottery Shards

Yay, introductory archaeology! Yay, "Guided Independent Study" of Biblical Archaeology! Yay, eventual archaeology lab work for a professor! Yay, possible eventual digging in a hole for a summer! Yay, classes and fieldwork that I'll probably never do anything with after school!

I'm thinking I should start making friends at the Field Museum.

Oh, and yay, restored vision!

Vaseline Haze

Trading one vision issue for another.

I think I liked the last one better.

At least then I didn't half-expect Imhotep to show up and steal my tongue.

Making My List...

Not for presents, mind you. I'm all done with that.

My packing list. Because I'm off tomorrow for a wonderfully relaxing, quiet, peaceful time at my parents' home. Actually, the exact opposite of that. And I will be there for 4 nights. Which means I need things like my phone charger. And my computer (although I always bring that if it's a 24-hour or more trip anyway). And I'll need my camera. And the camera charger. And a clock. And my pillow. Maybe even my second pillow. But I'm trying not to get carried away.

I did buy one last gift today...a coffee mug for my dad. It's about the last thing in the world that he needs. However. I mentioned the Bowl Game glassware for the upcoming bowl game between my university and some crap southern university, and Dad asked if I brought him a coffee mug. I said no, and asked if he actually wanted one. He said only if it had [insert name of conference rival university here] on it. So the wiseass is getting stuck with a coffee mug now.

Yay, holidays! If I have time between baking cookies like there's no tomorrow and doing the presents/family thing, I may blog. Otherwise, have a Merry Christmas, all!

Fool-Proof Holiday Diet Plan

Step one: Get food poisoning or some dreadful stomach bug.

Step two: Spend two days expelling anything and everything from your digestive system.

Step three: Find that slightly tight pants are no longer tight.

Legal disclaimer: These statements have not been reviewed by the FDA. Always consult your physician before starting this or any other nutritional program. If step two lasts longer than 48 hours, get medical treatment to guard against dangerous dehydration. Proceed at your own risk.

Nice Knowing You

I am currently dying of food poisoning. Or some nasty bug. But I'm thinking food poisoning.

Maybe not dying, but death would be a not entirely unwelcome relief to my pain and exhaustion at this point.

On the plus side, my abs are getting a good workout.

Jet Setter

Ugh. Must sleep.

Running from work to airports to airports to work...with a little NYC time thrown into the middle.

The boy's parents don't hate me, so I have that to report. I might remember more later.

Beddy-bye now.

And Now We Dance

Finished my sixth and last final of the week this morning. (Second 7:30 a.m. exam in a row, yay.)

Nothing left to do but go back to sleep.

And pack. :-)

Focusing on the Positive

I've decided to stop being so negative about finals week, now that it is nearly over.

In that spirit, I present
The Pros of Having a 7:30 a.m. Exam:

1. Plenty of campus parking is available that early in the morning.

Officially Average

My final grade for "Science" is a "C". I told my roommate that if I get anything lower than that, I was camping out in someone's department chair's office.

I will not camp out.

I will finish my last three exams for the week, and then ruminate on my failures as a student.

Then I will finish my degree, get a much better job than my T.A., and feel smug because I am attractive and generally liked while he is bald at 28 and a total dork. And I will know that is petty and shallow, but I will not care.

And if I ever dig up some ancestral-to-humans fossil, I will name it after my T.A., but everyone will just think I'm a huge fan of a 70s singer with the same name. Which I am.

And Another Thing

Neandertals did not die out because they couldn't sew better-fitting clothes, no matter what any idiot T.A. tries to tell you when he doesn't know the answer to a question in class. Good luck finding an actual Ph.D. to back that one up. Humans didn't even start sewing their clothes until the Neandertals were gone. The earliest verified sewn clothing dates to 22,000 years ago. In Russia. Not Western Europe.

If Neandertals did not interbreed with humans and just evolve out of existence (research the Lagar Velho child to get a taste of that debate), they died out because they weren't ingenuitive enough to compete with the humans for reduced food sources when there was a cooling trend in Europe around 28,000 years ago. Which is when the Neandertals disappeared, btw. Even *I* know that is the prevailing theory, and I don't claim to be some kind of quasi-expert on Neandertals, saying they're "my favorite" and have bigger average cranial capacities than humans (1520cc vs 1350cc, respectively, btw) which means they're totally smart, and have my life's dream be to measure (and probably fondle) their skulls for a living. Inuits have bigger cranial capacities, too, because they live in the cold. Just like Neandertals.

The Neandertals weren't dying off because it got cold out and they couldn't score Columbia jackets. They were built for cold weather, and did have animal skins and furs to keep them warm. Unfortunately, the colder weather drove off some of the food supply, and there were new hominids in the neighborhood to compete with the Neandertals for what was left.

Besides, Neandertals weren't bright enough to ever figure out how to hunt large animals without getting stepped on or gored or whatever. Humans developed weapons that allowed them to hunt from a safer distance. So when there were fewer animals around, humans were getting them and not getting killed in the process. Neandertal remains show all kinds of injuries like this, I'm not just making it up. They weren't all that bright, comparatively speaking, and displayed next to no symbolic thinking. In my ever so humble opinion, they simply lost out to the better hunters.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm So Average

Well, the grades in "Science" have been turned in, and I did in fact get a "C".

Which is complete bullshit. The two midterms we had were 50 questions, but the final was 100 questions. And it was not cumulative. So we had 100 exam questions about the last three weeks of material, when the prior exams were 50 questions about five weeks of material. And all three exams were weighted equally.

It is a class for non-science types to be able to fulfill their science General Education requirement. It is supposed to be a survey-type course.

You can not come up with 100 exam questions about 3 weeks of material without getting hard-core with the material. Do I know the exact cranial capacity of a particular (obscure) fossil? No. Do I know the average cranial capacity for a particular species? Yes. Can I draw you a complete phylogeny (family tree) for homo sapiens, including the side-branches, and tell you in what region of Africa they were all found? Fuck, yes. Can I tell you specifically which foot bone was found in specifically which cave in Kenya by specifically which paleoanthropologist? No, and neither can the little shit who taught our class.

So I'm a little upset. Especially since our T.A. said we were all doing too well in the class and he'd have to toughen up the final to make sure our grades were more spread out. Turns out he wasn't kidding. I guarantee no one in my class got an "A" on that final exam.

I can't wait to see my final grade. I might become a Creationist.

Hi, There

God save us all from left-handed Jews.

What are you looking at?

Fly Away, Fly, Fly...

Fly away now, useless information, fly and make room for new information, fly.

I predict a "B" in "Math" with no curve.

I predict a "C" in "Science" with no curve...potential "B" with curve.

I hope to completely forget the "Math" by tomorrow morning, but think I'll need to keep the "Science" at least another semester. Longer if I want to either win Trivial Pursuit: Homo Heidelbergensis Edition or become an archaeologist someday.
_____

Oh, and I cut my finger on the bathroom stall door before the "Math" final. Like on the part where you open it, and where lots of nasty, unwashed germs are hanging out. This does not give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Well, it might, but infections need time to grow.

But Before I Go...

One more topic for you.

I tend to walk around in the dark, without turning on lights as I go. I'll be in the living room, turn off the TV/lights/computer/whatever, then walk in total darkness to my bedroom without turning on the hall lights as I pass them. I don't have kids around, so no danger of tripping over toys. I also have a roommate who sleeps all day and works at night, so no roommate to move things around on me. However, occasionally she appears when I am walking from Point A to Point B, and asks why I'm walking around in the dark.

Am I odd?

Predicting

Some sadist scheduled my two hardest exams for the same evening on the first day of Finals Week, severely limiting the amount of time I would have to study for them.

However.

I don't think I am in terrible shape.

I predict...that I will not fail.

I'm off.

Or Something Like This...

Exactly.

Not Feeling It

Dear retail shoppers:

If your/your child's "whole Christmas will be ruined" because you're/your child's not getting (insert item you/your child don't need anyway here) under your tree on December 25, then I daresay you're/your child's not "getting" much of anything else, either.

And I'm sure Jesus would be flattered at the way you're verbally abusing the store clerk who doesn't have it in their power to magically produce (insert item you/your child don't need anyway here) for you. I'm sure He would have no problem with your doing that at all, since you're just trying to get (insert item you/your child don't need anyway here) so you can properly honor Him on His birthday, after all.

Merry Christmas,
Retail clerk

Two More Years of Suspicious Border Crossing Agents

Thanks to Homeland Security, I figured I'd never see the beauty of Canada again (seriously, Banff is nice). Because it irks me to no end to have to pay $97 (and the costs of wresting a certified birth certificate out of my birth state, which has been excessively difficult for my parents to obtain their own) and submit all kinds of proof of my citizenship for the privilege of getting back into my own damn country.

Back in the good old days, I could just answer some surly border patrol agent's questions about my birthplace and be on my merry way after he or she decided I probably wasn't smuggling drugs or weapons or illegal Canadian immigrants. On December 31, that God-given American right was supposed to evaporate.

But. Thanks to American bureaucracy at its finest, they won't be ready to implement the passport-only travel restrictions (via land crossings) until December 31, 2007. Ha, ha! International Falls, see you again in the summer.

(Don't think I'm anti-security of the borders. Just think I'm hypocritically anti-security of the borders when I'm the one crossing them. Plus my great-grandmother was here illegally from Canada for forty years, and she never hurt anyone. So clearly it is perfectly safe to let people wander in and out at will. Yes, I am kidding. And yes, I should probably leave that story about Great-Grandma out when dealing with the Border Patrol.)

Tough Decisions

Study until I have to work this evening, or nap until I have to work this evening? Do what I should, or do what I want. Difficult.

Oh, and New Topic

Tapioca pudding: for or against, and why?

Last Paper of the Semester

It's also the last day now of the semester before Finals Week.

And I just finished a paper on Moses and Muhammad.

At this time of the night/morning, I have no idea if it is even coherent.

At this time of the night/morning, I don't fricking care if it is even coherent.

Slight Panic

Finals week is next week. So, umm, you'll have to entertain yourselves in the comments for awhile.

Possible topics of conversation:

Vegetarianism is unnatural.

Lhasa Apsos are the best dog breed ever.

Simple tasks that you avoid at all costs for no good reason. (Mine is tying shoes. I try to keep my laced shoes pre-tied.)

It's Like Minnesota, Without the Lakes

Too. Freaking. Cold.

There used to be a running joke at my old job about eskimo families living under our desks because it was kept so cold in the building. I fully expect an eskimo to trip over my feet any moment...tomorrow's high is supposed to be 7.

Being Ignored

If you know me, you know that the worst thing you can do is ignore me. Even negative attention is attention, after all. Ignoring me might very well drive me out of my mind.

A couple days ago I sent an e-mail to a fellow blogger offering something for a project (s)he is working on...I can't go into details. Anyway, the e-mail and offer have not been acknowledged, and I know this blogger has been online because (s)he blogs approximately every third minute of every waking day. Normally when e-mailing this blogger, I get a reply within minutes even though (s)he is fairly prominent.

So earlier this afternoon I sent a quick note asking her/him to verify that they'd at least gotten the e-mail, and to feel free to alter the offer to their own needs.

Still nothing. Hmph.

Nosy Pants

How do you answer questions like, "Why aren't you married yet?"...or "When are we going to one of these [weddings] for you?"...and the like.

My usual response is some variation of, "I haven't found anyone I want to divorce yet." It is pretty good at ending the topic.

Pow!Pow!Pow!

It is my personal opinion that professors who assign textbooks that cost more than $100 ought to be able to be legally sniped. Especially if the used version of said textbook can not be found for less than $115.

However, it does no good to obsess about it now, as I do not need that textbook until the middle of January.

I could probably procure a decent rifle by then, but that would be wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.
_____

In other news, my scientific research paper is coming along swimmingly.
_____

And it is cold up in this bitch. A mere 8 degrees at last check. I am in my warmest hoodie. Nothing makes you feel like a college girl more than sporting a hoodie and ponytail. Except maybe sporting a hoodie and ponytail while drinking keg beer from a plastic cup while your shoes stick to some mysterious substance on the floor.

Kicking Up Dust

Dust is the theme this weekend, whether it be found at the library or in the recesses of my computer's casing.

The computer decided to start making hideous noises, and I assumed it was the CPU fan issue being revisited upon me. Trip to Radio Shack, disassemblage, and reassemblage later...I do think that was the issue. But this new fan is louder than the old fan when it was actually working, so...my ears will be on alert for any other strange noises. At least it doesn't sound like it's going to fall apart when I launch new applications.
_____

I had to get my TA's okay for a couple of sources I want to use for my scientific research paper, and he apparently never heard of either of them. He decided the one was okay because a couple of our university's professors were published in it, lol. The other he nixed, which is fine because I think the one he okayed has all the same information anyway.

I find it unnerving that he never heard of the two publications...since this is allegedly his field of study and all. But on the plus side, it probably means no one else in my class is using the same source. Nyah, nyah.

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

And the dusty stacks of books fail to be delightful...

It's snowing like crazy, and I am in the library. I really look forward to getting less done than I would like here, and then digging my car out of the parking lot.

If you want to find a 2001 hard copy of Nature, good luck. You have to get it online. But if you want a 1957 copy, it's on the 3rd floor. Just bring your allergy meds. It's a bit dusty.