Ciao

I'm on vacation as of...now. Back 8/6ish.

Justice Prevails

Some looney-tune, and I won't name any names here, went to the police station to try to get someone else charged with kidnapping.

Apparently the cops had a good laugh over that one. They also informed said looney-tune that there was no way to keep someone from taking a couple kids out of the state to go camping, since their father gave permission and will actually be with them. He does get six weeks of custody in the summer, after all.

God would do a lot of people (including two little kids, in my honest opinion) a giant favor by smiting a looney-tune or two. Or maybe she can just go for some more motorcycle rides. Natural selection and all that.
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The kids get to play outside all they want, and they haven't been spanked in at least a week. They get fed regularly with reasonably nutritious food, bathed every night, dressed in clean clothes every morning, and put to bed at the same time every evening. For some reason, they haven't even asked to call one of their parents on the phone the whole time they've been here. I'll let you guess which parent.

Exhaustion

So I am working on moving my sh*t from one place to another, and now I am babysitting two little kids besides. The reason for the latter is that their mother is dumb enough to get on a motorcycle with a drunk. Road rash is a bitch, and so is she.

So now Miss Congeniality has found out I have her kids and has her panties in a wad that her ex can actually, you know, go to work instead of babysitting his children while she wallows around in self-inflicted agony.

By the time you read this, I may have been arrested for kidnapping. She threatened my brother with that bullsh*t, but didn't mention it when she called me. Because she knows I don't cave to her threats. Bring it on, you f*cking c*nt.

It is extremely tiring not to talk badly about her in front of her children, but I really do try. She puts them in horrible situations, spreading her legs for anyone who will pay her rent for the month and not caring if they're, say, a violent offender who beat someone in front of her son or has felony theft and felony arson convictions. His rap sheet is truly a site to behold.

I blame my brother for this sh*t, because he doesn't go to the court and get a protective order against the current "fiance". He caves into her threats and manipulations, believing she'll take his kids away. I understand that, but after the beating in front of his son, he should have marched his *ss to the nearest judge for a protective order.

*ssholes, all of them.

Dial-up Hell

We had a nasty storm the other day, and my high-speed internet has yet to recover. So I am on dial-up. And I am moving. So don't expect to hear much from me until Mondayish.

Good Morning, UAE

Someone from Dubai came along googling for "sexy poosy girls". I kinda feel bad for being so disappointing, since I know this blog did not exactly have what he wanted.
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Finished my final for my last summer class. I am now free until the end of August. Free except for that pesky moving business I have to attend to in the next week or so. And then I will go on vacation for a week or longer (depending when I finish moving, who I have to drive to the cabin, etc.). Then I will return to work and such.
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Some of the Munuvians seem to have started a Group Blog that looks like it could be interesting. It's just starting, but I'm sure they would welcome a little support and encouragement.

Score

One of the (few) benefits of a professor leaving is that they rarely want to lug all their books along with them...thus leaving many for the rest of us to pick over. I was only limited by the size of my backpack...and the strength of my back.

I only wish I knew about this sooner. Like when the colonial Americanist ran away to Berkeley. I bet he had some awesome books.

Oh well, a Europeanist is pretty good too. Especially one with an interest in natural science and the history of science. Suhweet.

P.S. to Victor--try "The Last of the Mohicans"...not MASH. :-p

Another Weekend, Another Untouched To-Do List

I've gotten incredibly lazy lately. I had a list of things to accomplish with my 4th of July off, and I accomplished nothing on that list.

Now it is Sunday, and the to-do list that carried over from the 4th has still been ignored. I sign my new lease next Monday, and I was kind of hoping to have a lot of boxes ready to move that day, but...my procrastination has been hitting epic levels all year, so why should the summer be any different?

It's hot and I am a sloth. The end.

Meme, Take Two

Rachel Lucas re-imagined the previous meme...

WHAT INSULTING NICKNAMES WERE YOU CALLED IN CHILDHOOD? I honestly never had a nickname. I was either too well-liked or too boring to get one. I gave some out, and demanded one of my friends to give me one. She dubbed me "Neon Green", which was either an homage to my attention-grabbing personality or an homage to my neon green-colored socks. It was the 80s.

WHEN YOU CRY, DO YOU LOOK UGLY, OR DOES IT GIVE YOU A BEAUTIFUL SAD GLOW? Oh, definitely ugly. Blotchy skin, swollen eyes if it's done right.

ARE YOU FORGETTING HOW TO WRITE BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON THE COMPUTER? No, I take a lot of in-class essay quizzes and exams. I can still write.

DO YOU THINK VEGETARIANS ARE INSANE? (BECAUSE THEY ARE.) No, not the ones who aren't militant about it. I myself can't dwell on the source of my food for too long without losing my appetite, so I can see why some people choose the no-meat lifestyle. The militants just piss me off--by reminding me of the source of my food and making me lose my appetite.

DO YOU LIKE KIDS? IF SO, WHY? WHY, IN THE NAME OF GOD? Yes, I like kids. Kids are honest. Unless they're trying to get out of trouble, but in that case they are terrible liars. I like knowing what people are really thinking. Plus kids are just funny. My nephew (age 5) saw a Transformers preview and said seriously, "Why are they freaking me out?" You had to be there, but that was funny.

IF YOU WERE A DOG, WOULD YOU LICK YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU COULD? DON'T TRY TO DENY IT. Yes, but I'd try not to do it in polite company.

ARE YOU AS FRIGHTENED OF CLOWNS AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU? I've never been afraid of clowns. Pool drains, on the other hand...

IF YOU COULD BE EITHER VERY BEAUTIFUL OR VERY SMART, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY? Very smart. Because you can be very beautiful to start out with and ruin it with your idiocy. See: Britney Spears. Then you have nothing. Plus, brains are just more interesting.

HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU REQUIRE TO HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MICHAEL MOORE OR ROSIE O'DONNELL (DEPENDING ON YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE BUT DOES THAT REALLY MATTER WITH THESE TWO)? Hmm. I have a lot of student loans I'd like to see disappear...and I could use a new car...$100K. But everyone has to shower ahead of time, and use protection. I know a lot of people will say no amount in the world, but you're all damned liars. I'm cheap, but I'm honest.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CUSS WORD? Fuckface. Assface. Both seem to come out frequently when I'm driving. Otherwise, I just say "Goddamnit" a lot. Sorry, SarahK. And Mom. And God, I guess.

IF YOU'RE A MAN, HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT YOUR JUNK IN YOUR ZIPPER? HOW BAD DID IT HURT? IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW GLAD ARE YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT A MAN? To the third question--Extremely. No one can tell I'm thinking dirty thoughts unless I want them to know I'm thinking dirty thoughts.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GROW OLD OR DIE TRAGICALLY YOUNG? I can't really picture myself as an old woman, but then again I picture myself as being much younger than I really am. So I may just be in denial. If family history is any indication, I may get to 80ish. I hope I don't get to retirement age and kick it right away like my grandfathers. That would suck beyond all reason.

DESCRIBE YOUR MOST RECENT NIGHTMARE. I don't remember the last time I had a nightmare. Yesterday morning I dreamt I was visiting my old high school and talking to my former best friend. She just stopped talking to me when we were 21, and I never did find out why. I was asking her why, mentioning that it was pretty shitty to just stop talking to a best friend of ten years, but woke up before I got an answer.

DO YOU WISH THAT, INSTEAD OF PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION DEBATES, THEY INSTEAD HAD TO BOX EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THEN THERE'D NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER DEMOCRAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE? How about an IQ test? And an economics exam? For any public office.

ABBA: THE BLONDE OR THE BRUNETTE? You notice the blonde first, but the brunette has a little something extra. She looks smarter somehow. I assume we are talking about the girls, because both of the guys are lame.

WHAT DISEASE DO YOU MOST FEAR CONTRACTING? Alzheimer's. I have an uncle who was diagnosed with early-onset before he was fifty, and it's terrifying. Also, I had an old man wander into my work one night in just his underwear. He had wandered off from the hotel across the street and didn't know where he was. He kept repeating, "I'm not a bad person." So he knew. That's the scariest part--knowing you're not all there.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE LEAST? The guy I worked for at the above-mentioned work. He was a total jackass.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES (10 BEING SO MUCH YOU'D RATHER CLEAN THE CAT BOX WITH YOUR BARE HANDS). Umm, a 2? It's a mild nuisance, like anything else involving me venturing out into public. :-)

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE BEFORE THE LAST TIME YOU THREW UP? I don't remember, because it didn't come back up. Everything was digested from the night before and I was virally sick, so just bile came up.

NAME FIVE "CLASSIC" POPULAR SONGS YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HEAR AGAIN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. I don't know about "classic", but: that John Mayer "Waiting for the World to Change" piece of nonsense, The Pussy Cat Dolls' "Don'cha" abortion, Sisqo's "The Thong Song", Chamillionaire's "Riding Dirty" which I will never understand how it gets so much radio play, and Beyonce's "Irreplaceable"--if he's so easily replaced, you weren't really in love with him, anyway.

IF YOU WERE A DOG, WHICH BREED WOULD YOU BE? Lhasa Apso--smart, yet cute. I'll come when called if I feel like it, and you'll pet me when I feel like it. And I may not be very big and strong, but I'll bark at danger and think I'm tough.

FAVORITE BODILY FUNCTION? (COUGH, SNEEZE, BELCH, POOP, FART, YAWN, ETC) Orgasm? That's a bodily function, right? Okay, I checked. And it is. So Orgasm. Definitely.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A HUGE FIGHT WITH, WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT, AND WHO WON? I had a fight with a friend of mine who spread my business around, resulting in a lack of trust and an end to the friendship...the friendship had some flaws already anyway, but it was the last straw. No one won.

AS WE ALL KNOW, PRO FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY SPORT WORTH CARING ABOUT. IN LIGHT OF THAT FACT, WHO IS THE BEST NFL QUARTERBACK OF THE LAST 10 YEARS? BEST RUNNING BACK? BEST WIDE RECEIVER? BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER? BIGGEST PRIMA DONNA? WHINIEST BITCH? Aren't they all in jail, except for Peyton Manning? Best defensive player is Brian Urlacher because I am a Bears fan. The rest? Can't be bothered to think about them. They're all overpaid assholes anymore.

BALD MEN ARE VERY SEXY. DISCUSS. Agreed. Bruce Willis, yum. But really, it's the person more than the hair or lack thereof. A sexy man is sexy no matter what's going on with his follicles.

THE INVENTION OF THE PILL IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO BELIEVE IN GOD. DISCUSS. It's a good enough reason to believe in the intelligence of the human species...to be able to enjoy the act without nature's intended consequence of offspring? Nice. However, the pill does not protect against HIV or other STDs, so I have to encourage condom use. Not that any of y'all listen.

DO YOU HAVE PERFECT VISION? IF SO, RACHEL LUCAS ENVIES YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND GALAXIES. Nope, I am extremely near-sighted. Rachel envies me not a jot.

FOOD YOU FIND SO REPUGNANT THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTHS? Cooked carrots. Seriously, people, they make me gag. Raw carrots are awesome. Cooked carrots taste like vomit.

WHEN YOU GO TO THE MOVIES AND THE JERK BEHIND YOU KICKS YOUR SEAT CONSTANTLY, DO YOU IGNORE/MOVE OR DO YOU CHALLENGE THEM TO FISTICUFFS? Never had this problem. I've asked talkers or cell phone users to keep it down, though.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED THAT MADE YOU GET ON YOUR KNEES AFTERWARDS AND BEG GOD TO GIVE YOU THE LAST TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE BACK? Always...given to me by a then-boyfriend who absolutely loved it. I wanted to like it, I really did. Anyone want the DVD?

DO YOU EVER PUT CLOTHES ON YOUR PETS? I don't have any pets.

BEER, WINE, OR LIQUOR? Liquor, definitely. I likes the mixed drinks.

FALL ASLEEP OR CUDDLE? Get dressed and go home. I kid! Sleep--the cuddling's over.

FAVORITE FOOD THAT YOU KNOW WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY BUT YOU DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO FREAKING DELICIOUS? Nachos. I love nachos. Anything with cheddar cheese on it, actually. Mmm, nachos.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DISGUSTED BY A BOOK'S ENDING THAT YOU VIOLENTLY DESTROYED THE BOOK? Nope.

DO YOU HAVE P0RN ON YOUR COMPUTER? DON'T LIE. I don't save the pr0n. Except this, which isn't really pr0n since you only see pubes.

TRUE OR FALSE: "REALITY" T.V. IS THE BEST REASON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD TO HATE AMERICA. True, definitely.

FAVORITE DRUNKEN SLATTERN: PARIS, LINDSEY, OR BRITNEY? Britney...she brings a higher level of the crazy. Plus a boy I used to like thought she was great and it just shows he had terrible taste in women--backed up by the fact he lost interest in me. ;-)

MOST DESERVING OF CHUCK-NORRIS-STYLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE THROAT: AL GORE OR JESSE JACKSON? Jesse Jackson.

WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT DRUNK? 'FESS UP. I wandered around my dorm, hanging out with a drunken Bostonian. I could never understand his accent until that night--it was beyond thick. He tore down an "exit" sign, we thought we looked all nonchalant while stumbling past the security guards, and he confessed his love for my roommate, who was trying to make out with a different guy but we kept interrupting them. Good times. The next day I had the dry heaves. Good times...not big on rum anymore.

IF YOU COULD HAVE MAD SKILLZ IN DANCING OR IN SINGING, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD IT BE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SATISFACTION OR TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AND POSSIBLY GET SOME ACTION? Singing, and it would be purely to impress others, because I already sing to myself and pretend I'm Aretha over here.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD YOU USE IT FOR GOOD OR EVIL? Reading minds, and I'd definitely use it however I could. Mwah hah hah!

IF YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER Q&A MEME AGAIN, WILL IT BE TOO SOON? Nah, I like memes...they keep me from having to think up actual content.

Pool Drain Phobia Reinforced

GAH! I love to swim, but have always had an intense aversion to being above/near the drains.

Crack

This may be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Diet Pepsi with extra caffeine? Oh, God, yessss!

I drank some yesterday and was awake until 3 a.m. Clearly the greatest invention ever. Ever. Of course, I am also the kind of person who thinks caffeine-free Mountain Dew misses the point completely. I really do not understand why there is a market for such a thing. I mean, really. Could there be anything more useless in the world? Besides caffeine-free diet Mountain Dew?