Live in the Now!

Oh my goodness, the 80s just arrived at my work. Polo shirts with popped collars, sweater looped around the neck. You have got to be kidding me.

Old preppy people are funny.

Sportsmanship

Awesome:

Then, members of the Central Washington University softball team stunned spectators by carrying Tucholsky around the bases Saturday so the three-run homer would count - an act that contributed to their own elimination from the playoffs.

You go, girls.

Like I Have Time for Any of This

Last night I found myself watching scripted network television. I saw the last half of The Office and parts of 30(?) Rock...is it 30? Well, whatever the thing with Tina Fey is called. They were pretty good, but nothing I'd change my life for in order to see every week.

Then I decided to continue the unprecedented levels of television viewing going on up in my evening, and caught part of American Chopper and all of Miami Ink. It was a particularly good episode of Ink, since I got all weepy for almost everyone's tattoo story. Especially the father of the little girl who was kidnapped, raped, and buried alive. Jesus.

Man, I really want some new tattoo work done. Time and money are all I need.

Anyway, resume panic mode: Pre-Finals Week Hell is upon me!!!

Everybody's on Crack

People (about 2/3 of an online poll) think the Mom on the lam shouldn't be returned to Michigan prison.

WTF?

Prison isn't optional. Society sentences you. You serve the sentence. Prisoners don't get to decide they've had enough and leave.

I don't care what she did since escaping. I don't care what the original crime was.* There is no gray area here for me.

You can appeal through the legal system, but you don't get to just make your own rules. "Well, I'm done now. I learned my lesson. See ya!"

* But you can't tell me that mugshot is a scared victim. Puhlease.

It's the Freaking Apocalypse Around Here

Decided to check KCRG to see what's going on today. Nothing good, apparently.

(clicky for the full-sized horror)

At Least It's Not Snowing

Just spent the last half hour in the basement at work. Must be springtime in Iowa.

They tend to take tornado sirens really seriously ever since that tornado actually hit town two years ago. Plus the building I'm in is half glass, so...yeah, I had little problem camping out in the basement.

Earthquake!

The windows rattled and the building shook, and there was no train going by...so I said it was an earthquake. And I was MOCKED.

Well, lookie here.

4.20

The date my brother (jokingly?) said is a "holiday for [his] people" is also the date on which I will finally cast mine eyes upon Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, Tico Torres, and David Bryan in person.

I have waited 22 years.

Holy crap, it's almost here.

Grown-Up Behavior

Heather Mills, who really is her own worst enemy and needs to STFU, attempts to explain why she dumped a glass of water on the head of Paul McCartney's lawyer:

"Mrs. Shackleton said something under her breath so I cleansed and baptized her," Mills said. "I thought she looked fantastic — I thought it did her the world of good."

Now I will attempt to explain why she did it: Heather Mills is a petulant, spoiled, childish bitch who needs serious counseling to combat her narcissism.

Try that kind of behavior in an American court, and you'll probably be spending the night in the pokey.

Very Cool

Harvey posted a video of an elephant painting an elephant.

Sounds Like...Spring?

Due to yesterday's blind rage-inducing forecast of snow, I opted to not go or even look outside until it had been sunny for at least 4 hours today. That way, if it had indeed snowed, the evidence would all be gone by the time I ventured out of doors.

That plan was a verifiable success. I have no idea if it really snowed here or not. And no one is to tell me if it did!

So I ran to the bank and the gas station and post office and did all those little errands I wanted to complete before work. And the sun shone and it was good.

But it wasn't until I got to work that I really, really believed spring is finally here to stay. Because at work, I heard something I haven't heard in months.

I heard frogs. Lots and lots of frogs.

This building is in a "prairie preserve" area, and there are ponds and whatnot scattered about that attract frogs and other wildlife. I hadn't heard the frogs in a very long time, and today they seem deafening.

So it must be spring now. For really reals.

Ima Punch Somebody

"Rain switching over to heavy snow this evening."

There are no words to adequately express my feelings at a time like this.

Free Richie!

Dear Richie,

You might be able to disregard my previous letter. I hope so, and look forward to posting a retraction!

Love,

Me

The Circus is Coming

So we all know about Fred Phelps, right? The "Christian" reverend who protests at military funerals and such?

He'll be here for the Sueppels, too.

Where is a vengeful and smiting God when you need one? Seriously.

King of Swing?

Dear Richie,

I can't marry you anymore. Knock this shit off, or we won't be able to be friends, either. Especially if you miss the concert I've waited 22 years for. Get help. Be healthy.

Love,

Me

Sometimes You Feel Like a Quote

There are different versions...all with the same message.

First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me. -Martin Niemöller

Protecting rights means protecting them for everybody. If you let the Nazis take the Jews today, what is to stop them from taking you tomorrow?

Drama?

The upstairs neighbors are shouting again. This is a pretty regular occurrence. It sounds like they're fighting, but I'm not entirely sure, because I don't speak Mandarin or whatever it is they're speaking.

They only yell when it is around 11:00 pm or later. Got an early start tonight.

Doesn't sound violent, but it's annoying.
_____

So how are you? See any good movies lately? Read any decent books? Do tell.

Also, what do you think of this?

(click to enlarge)

Die, Fashion, Die!

So it's getting to be springtime (despite last night's ice and snow festivities) and I'm not one of those chicks who buy a whole new wardrobe every season, but I do like to add a few new pieces here and there. Freshen things up.

The problem is, the babydoll top trend is stubbornly sticking around for yet another season.

Beyond the "looking pregnant" problem with this clothing item, there is also the problem of boobage. I have it. And I don't particularly want to look like Beth Chapman. Most babydoll tops accentuate that area, and even though many of them also have a modesty panel in the "v" neckline...it is not modest enough for certain cup sizes. I'm not trying to be Chesty LaRue here. Not only do I not need to draw attention to the area, but I don't need to have ridiculous half-boob cleavage, either. And the scoopneck ones just don't usually have enough fabric between the empire waist (that obviously has to go under the breasts) and the neckline.

Beyond the babydoll top, there seem to be a lot of shapeless tunics and shift things that make a size-0 model look like a heifer.

I don't like ruching at the neckline, I don't like belting immediately below the bust...looks like plain v-neck tees for me this year.

The Decline of America

Ted left the following comment two posts down:

Welcome to the decline of America. Anyone who refers to the sitting president, whoever he is, as "that idiot" is shallow and classless. Sorry about ripping on your family, but there it is.

I know someone who's major gripe with the president is that he's not eloquent, therefore he's dumb. Lord knows there are plenty of things to dislike about the man's policies, but to assume he's stupid because he's not a great speaker is - again - shallow and classless.

People have forgotten how to agree to disagree.

Well, Ted, ignoring in this case the insult to my family (only I get to badmouth my parents around here, btw)...I'm curious about this decline of American political discourse to which you allude. I assume that is what you're referring to, rather than a general, overall decline in America.

Apparently there was some gentile era in American politics where opponents settled their differences over milk and cookies before settling into their footie pajamas and braiding each other's hair? Or did they braid each other's powdered wigs? I'm really not sure what time frame I should be going for here--the one where they shot each other and accused each other of adultery...or the one where they didn't shoot each other and accused each other of adultery.

American politics have never been overly friendly and full of warm fuzzy moments. The great thing about being a citizen in this country, though, is having the right to criticize those we've elected. Heck, even criticizing those we have yet to elect or not...I'll go on record right now as saying Barack Obama is all package, no substance. Now someone can add a knee-jerk "racist" to my "shallow" and "classless" tags.

I'm not racist. I am occasionally shallow, and some people I can't be bothered to care about might think I show an alarming lack of class. I am what I am, and "I ain't what I'm not". Or something like that.

But what I am is an American, and one of the benefits is to call the sitting president an idiot if I so choose. Or his wife a "Hildebeast". And so on and so on...

And Now For Something Different

The ice pack is starting to thaw a bit, which means we're starting to see the surface of the roads for the first time in months. This means you can look forward to less bitching about the weather and more bitching about car-swallowing potholes from hell.

Strange...

...what is this strange white stuff falling from the sky? I have not seen such a sight in...days.

Local weatherman says up to 4 inches. Weather channel says up to 6 inches. I hope the local guy is right.
_____

So I made the mistake of going to petfinder.com and looking at all the bebes who need "furrever homes"...and I want to buy a farm and adopt them all! Except the snakes. And the rodents. But all the big black dogs and the ginormous parrots/macaws who will live 100 years. Maybe even some goats and a 1000 lb. piggy and 14 longhorns.

The big black dogs with their sad puppy eyes who've been mistreated make me cry. As do the parrots who plucked out their feathers when their owners left them (sometimes for a nursing home--parrots live forfreakingever). Poor bebe! I'll loves you!

Why would a big black dog be the last dog adopted? Especially a lab mix? I don't get it. I'll take a giant mastiff/great dane/rott mix over some little Yorkie anyday. I'll be the pack leader, no problem. Poodle. Feh.

(Although, obviously, Lhasa Apsos are the most awesomest lapdogs ever.)

"But I have a small house, I don't have room for a mastiff," you say. Are you kidding? A mastiff will lie on the couch all day. He's not running around unless you're running with him!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Go adopt a pet. Because I can't.

Also...

When did Angelina start dating Robert Redford?

Camping?!

I had a friend in junior high and high school who was not exactly what you'd call "outdoorsy"...I made the colossal mistake of taking her camping one year when we were 13. She was harassed hourly by vicious attack fish, bugs, and woodpeckers. My dad actually had to yell at her about not screaming in the lake unless she was drowning. Fish kept "touching her" and she'd scream in terror. When a bug got caught in her hair and started a monumental hissy fit, one of my uncles looked at me like, "what kind of sissy girl did you bring up here?" As someone who prides herself to this day on being a tough-it-out camper, that was quite shameful.

The woodpeckers were interesting. See, I was sleeping in our tent one night (like you do if you're not paranoid), and this girl (let's call her "Rachel") woke me up and hissed, "Is that a bear?!"

I lifted my head and listened, hearing nothing. "I don't hear anything. Go back to sleep."

Rachel would not be soothed. "I hear a bear!"

I sat up, listening more closely and heard...nothing. No rustling raccoons...no wind blowing through the leaves...just nothing. "Rachel, I don't hear anything."

"There is something out there."

I got back in my sleeping bag. "If you hear it walk by the tent, let me know." This probably wasn't the most reassuring thing to say, but I'm not great when people wake me up for stupid shit.

Just as I was falling back asleep, Rachel informed me she had to go to the bathroom. We had already established that I must chaperone her for any midnight meanderings outside the tent, and since she was already alarmed, I knew I had no choice. I got up, grabbed the flashlight, and headed outside the tent. I surveyed the campgrounds, and gave the all clear. She ran out of the tent with the lantern and bolted to the outhouse.

I stood outside the outhouse while she did her business, and when she came out I told her I'd go too--since I was already up and all. This did not go over well, as she could not walk the 20 feet to the tent by herself, and I wasn't allowing company in the outhouse. As I tended to my bladder, she stood outside the door and kept whispering for me to hurry up.

When I came out of the facilities, she took off for the tent like a family of grizzlies was behind her. I followed at a more leisurely pace, flashlight turned off, and happened to glance up at the sky. The stars were amazing. I'd never noticed before how you could see the whole Milky Way from our campgrounds. She dived into the tent and told me to hurry up so she could zip the door shut, but I stood staring up at the sky. "You have to see this."

"Get in the tent! Bugs are getting in!"

"No, seriously, you have to see this. Look at the stars!"

"I don't care! Mosquitos are going to come in here!"

I got in the tent.

Sometime around dawn (and therefore around 4 hours before I'd normally wake up), Rachel was hissing at me again. "Do you hear that?! It's the same thing I heard last night. Is it a bear?"

I listened, and in a few moments heard a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from high up above in the trees. "I don't think so."

"What do you mean? You're not sure? It might be a bear?!" Rachel was nearly hysterical.

"Well, it could be a bear tapping his fingers. But I'm pretty sure it's just a woodpecker."

Today, Rachel lists her outdoor interests on an online profile as "camping, cycling, and walking"...I guess people change.

A Word About the Weather--UPDATED

Y'all think I'm whining and carrying on, but it must be said that this is the 3rd worst winter on record for the town I live in.

And the parking lot is a frozen lake. The last two days we've had some sunshine to get some melting going, and when the sun goes down, refreeze. Add that to the blocked drainage due to giant piles of snow all over the place, and the water/ice is staying in the parking lot. And getting deeper. The lowest ground has been cordoned off.

We all got emailed instructions on how to make claims for damages to flooded cars, if that helps you get a little insight to how bad it is.

The next town over ran out of sand and salt a couple weeks ago. The U has been using their remaining supplies sparingly since the beginning of the semester. The service that does our apartment complex is also extremely low on the stuff, so walking from my car to my apartment is an adventure.

I'm not kidding when I say this winter sucks beyond all reason. For reals.
_____

UPDATE 2/24: Bring it!

...WINTER STORM WATCH IN EFFECT FROM MONDAY MORNING THROUGH TUESDAY MORNING...

A WINTRY MIX OF RAIN AND FREEZING RAIN...WITH SOME SLEET WILL DEVELOP OVER THE AREA MONDAY MORNING. THIS WINTRY MIX WILL CHANGE TO A HEAVY... WET SNOW MONDAY AFTERNOON. SNOW... HEAVY AT TIMES...WILL THEN CONTINUE THROUGH MONDAY NIGHT BEFORE TAPERING TO FLURRIES EARLY TUESDAY MORNING. THE POTENTIAL EXISTS FOR 4 TO 8 INCHES OF SNOW...

I Love Snow and Cold!

I've changed my mind about moving south. The cold weather is just fine by me. Keep it up, Mother Nature!

Why the change of heart? Oh, no particular reason...

As climate change warms the nation, giant Burmese pythons could colonize one-third of the USA, from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast, according to U.S. Geological Survey maps released Wednesday.

The pythons can be 20 feet long and 250 pounds. They are highly adaptable to new environments.

I don't care if they are "not considered a danger to humans"...I'm not trying to find 250 pounds of snake in my backyard. (I'm assuming I'll someday have a backyard.)

UPDATE 2/22: Semi-southern Shank responds.

Improving on the Original

Reese's peanut butter cups. Delicious, yes? But you know what's even better?

Reese's peanut butter eggs.

No paper making the bottom greasy. No ridges to fall off and melt on your keyboard. Slightly better ratio of peanut butter to chocolate.

Mmm. Perfect.

Heat Wave!

It's up to 8 degrees. -2 windchill.

I'm thinking I might have to go outside after all...

Mostly because I have decided I must dye my hair. Purple? Red? Black? Only time will tell, my friends. Only time will tell.

I have a limited amount of time where I can look anti-social before I must get a paying job. Seize the day!

Actually, I'll probably just get a haircut. Ya know, a trim. But I could go crazy and regress to myself at age 14. You don't know.

Like I Said...

...I'm going back to bed. It's -9 degrees (wind chill -27) and I have no seriously pressing matters to tend to.

I may try again later...I may not...I can't face another hella-cold morning, though. If I wanted to deal with this crap on the regular, I'd live in Duluth.

How It Works

A comic...

(clicky to enlargey)

(H/T: Seen first at Savage Minds.)

Neverending

Awesome.

...WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY IN EFFECT FROM MIDNIGHT TONIGHT TO 12 PM CST WEDNESDAY...

SNOW AND BLOWING SNOW WILL DEVELOP ACROSS THE AREA LATE THIS EVENING. ALTHOUGH SNOW AMOUNTS WILL BE GENERALLY LESS THAN AN INCH...STRONG NORTHWEST WINDS...FROM 20 TO 30 MPH WILL CAUSE CONSIDERABLE BLOWING AND DRIFTING OF THE NEW AND EXISTING SNOW. IN ADDITION TO THE BLOWING SNOW...WIND CHILLS WILL BECOME BITTERLY COLD. THE COMBINATION OF TEMPERATURES DROPPING INTO THE RANGE OF ZERO TO 10 BELOW AND STRONG NORTHWEST WINDS WILL RESULT IN WIND CHILL INDEX READINGS AS LOW AS 20 TO 30 BELOW ZERO LATE TONIGHT INTO WEDNESDAY MORNING.

Tomorrow's high is looking to be about 7 degrees.

Chance of me leaving my bed tomorrow? Let me consult my syllabi...ah, chances are not good, people. Not good at all.

New "Trick My Truck" Crew

Normally I'd leave the television blogging to the experts, but I'll make an exception for the premiere of the 4th season of Trick My Truck...

For the first time ever, Ryno helped with teardown! And it was pretty funny. He jumped in like he was going to do something, then just stood there and said, "I don't know how to do this." Later he was messing with the hood/grill, and saying to himself, "Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey." Gotta love Ryno.

Also, why did Ryno ask for the keys? Ryno can't drive the trucks unless he just learned. I read an interview or something with him saying he had to have someone else pull the trucks into the painting bay because he can't do it.

Oz is still around!

I don't want to badmouth the new guys, since it's not their fault they're not the old guys. They seem a little bland, but that's probably nervousness that will work its way out eventually. Also, one or two of them talk like they have a mouthful of marbles. They all seem really nice, though...and sincerely interested in doing a great job for the drivers.

Overall, the episode seemed to focus on Ryno and Rob--they were the ones greeting the driver at the end, etc.--and that was probably to help ease the transition. Everyone already loves Rob and Ryno, so it makes it harder to dislike the episode if they're the ones you're looking at most of the time.

In the end, they produced a pretty cool truck. "Wide Open" was a racecar inspired truck--appropriate for today, obviously. Strange that they didn't fix up a truck "in need" though...losing the emotional punch of helping those who need it will be the biggest loss of all if this is a permanent trend.

# 50 (now with updates!)

Daytona 500! Wooo!

I'm at work, my pants are wet (from snow, don't be gross), and there should be no one around for a few hours...must be time to watch the 50th running of the Daytona 500.

(No, I don't know how my pants being snow-wet ties in with that, but I wanted to get my whine in about the weather. Subtle, eh? Yeah, I'm smoooth.)
_____

People like to surprise me. Yesterday=no snow=no visitors. Today=crap weather=lots of visitors. People need to get home and watch the race. Fools.

UPDATE 3:55: Inexplicably, they keep coming in. This is the busiest we've been in awhile. Some little kid who just left with his dad said, "Goodbye, nice lady!" Heh. Beat it, kid. I have a race to watch.

I ordered sammiches. Mmmm, dill pickle. Every day is better with a deli-made sandwich. Especially when you get a tasty whole pickle on the side. (And I tipped the driver $5+ for venturing out in the blizzard.)

UPDATE 6:01: Poor Jeff Burton. But hey, let's be honest...as long as a Busch brother didn't win, I'm not gonna be too upset. :-D

End of the Rope

Yes, I am inside and online on a Saturday night. Why?

Up to half an inch of ice and up to 9 inches of snow.

God damnit, I am so moving south after I graduate.

Why Did the Pickett Brothers Leave "Trick My Truck"?

Judging by the sudden searches on the subject (new episode tomorow, so fans are noticing the change), people wants to know.

This is what Ryno says about Rod and Kevin leaving...and all the other changes. (No more Bryan, CB, etc.)

UPDATE 2/17: It was pointed out in email that Bryan isn't actually mentioned in Ryno's blog entry...from what I understand, Bryan is the owner of 4 States Trucks, and so there may be some hard feelings between him and the Picketts, Ryno, and Rob. That is only speculation on my part, anyway, so take it for what it's worth.

Another UPDATE below the fold...

UPDATE 2/19: Bryan has his say here, which I will pullquote because it doesn't look like it gets archived:

It was a quite an opportunity to be a part of the TV series 'Trick My Truck'. We had the chance to be featured on 41 episodes over a time span of 2 ½ years! CSM feels privileged to have been able to play a part of showing viewers a glimpse of the American truck driver, and educate them on the sacrifices and dedication involved with being a professional truck driver. We are dedicated to this great industry of ours and have always strived to improve and promote the positive image of trucking. However, we have declined the opportunity to participate in season 4 which will most likely air sometime in 2008.

Several factors led us to this decision:

- CSM does not approve of, or endorse the new 'Trick My Trucker' series that was aired on TV recently. It is my opinion, that it tends to make our industry and essentially our customers look a little ridiculous and encourage a stereotypical public perception of drivers, which is in contrast to our efforts to promote trucking and truckers in a positive and respectable fashion.

- TMT was drifting away from the ‘big trucks’ which is our primary focus at 4 State Trucks/CSM.

- We could no longer insure the quality of the work done to the rigs on TMT, and we will not jeopardize our reputation for top-notch work by having trucks out there with our name on them that may not be built to our standards. We will not compromise our reputation.

- There were several instances of styling and creative differences of opinion between show management and CSM, regarding the projects on some of the truck builds.

- CSM is proud to reserve the right to deal with, and provide work for, anyone we choose and was not willing to be directed as to what companies we can endorse or affiliate with.

And I don't have a link to provide, but have been told that the Picketts will be spending more of their time focusing on their drag racing/motorsports enterprise. That news is not from the Picketts, so take it with a big ol' lump of salt.

UPDATE 3/5/08: Ryno has responded to Bryan's post. The first line:

I first want to start off by saying I have no hard feelings and all the respect in the world for Kevin, Rod, CB and Scrapyard for their decision on not coming back for another season and I wish them all the best!!

So there ya go.

Smallish UPDATE 3/29: Rod says:

“We had a great time,” says Rod Pickett, “but we really needed to get back to what we do best, big rigs. This is where we feel most comfortable, in this shop, and this is where we do our best work. This is what we love to do.”

NOTE: I close comments on old posts to avoid being overrun with comment spam. If you would like to comment, please email your comment to: jenelle.spinster@gmail.com with an appropriate subject line. Thanks!

100 Years

In keeping with the outside world focus (a rarity around here)...McCain says we could be in Iraq for 100 years. Well, duh.

The U.S. doesn't have the best of luck fighting wars against insurgents who are willing to employ suicidal methods. Look at Japan...once the Japanese got so desperate in WWII that they made suicide missions a regular part of their battle plans, the United States got awfully nervous about continuing the fight to the Japanese mainland with traditional means. So they dropped a couple large bombs and took out a couple medium-sized cities, civilians and all.

(Then some other countries got The Bomb, and it wasn't so easy to drop those anymore. Repercussions, you know...)

Since the United States after Vietnam does not have the stomach for casualties on its own side, and since it does not want to mow down civilians in a country it "liberated", what are the options here? Leave, and abandon the Iraqis who support and want us--and depend on us for protection. Or stay, and try to protect the democracy we attempted to install.

If we stay, the United States needs to have clearly defined objectives and policy. We can't waiver back and forth with the political tides. You can't look at a town like Fallujah, harboring terrorists, attack it, pull back when it's too hard, promise not to attack it again, threaten to attack again, warn of attack, attack when all the insurgents are gone anyway, come in with promises to rebuild what you just leveled, then attack again a month later. That doesn't make friends on either side.

I don't have the answers, but the problem is that I don't think Washington has the answers, either.

And thus concludes my political post for the year.

NIU

If you pray, this is a good time to do it.

CNN waivers between 2 and 3 confirmed dead...up to 18 shot...a student was interviewed by phone, and apparently they don't have a campus alert system. After VaTech, my U got one, and it is a little over-efficient, but that's better than inefficient.

Scary.

NIU is only a couple hours away, so we play them frequently in sports. Plus it's a U that I grew up fairly close to, and have always had an affinity for...so this one hits a little closer to home than usual.

UPDATE 4:55: As happens, the numbers keep changing...here is a link to the local hospital, saying they've gotten 13 patients.

UPDATE 5:11: CNN reporting 17 injured, 3 dead. NIU released confirmation that the killer suicided, holding a press conference at 5:30.

UPDATE 5:30: The hospital has seen 17 injuries, no fatalities, 3 are critical--2 of those transferred out for trauma care.

UPDATE 5:51: The only fatality at this time appears to be the gunman. The reporters asking questions at the press conference are dumbasses. This happened 2 1/2 hours ago, and they want to know if the professor had any run-ins with the shooter, if anyone failed the class, etc. Give law enforcement a chance, jeez. They're saying the gunman wasn't a student, and I think that if it was a random member of the public wandering onto campus, that makes it worse somehow.

UPDATE 6:21: Trib says 5 dead.

UPDATE 7:57am: Now 7 total dead, including the gunman. Someone IRL asked why I felt compelled to update this so many times, and all I can say is that had I graduated from high school in Illinois, NIU probably would have been my next stop on the education train. A lot of the kids from my Illinois school ended up there, and I always kind of assumed it would be my college before I was uprooted to another state. So even though nobody is checking my blog for breaking news...I just felt, well, compelled to update it anyway.

UPDATE 11:00am: 6 dead, including the gunman.

Happy VDay

Happy V-Day as I put the finishing touches on my V-J Day paper.

I did not stay up all night. I got almost 8 hours of sleep. Not very good or restful sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

Shame

Apparently not everyone appreciates the presidential humor like I do...

This Isn't Where I am Supposed to Be

Where I am: At home, in one of my favorite oversized, heavy sweatshirts and plaid pajama bottoms.

Where I should be: At work, in my other favorite oversized, heavy sweatshirt and jeans.

Why I'm here and not there: We shut 'er down early. Between some sort of national sporting event going on later that the other employee needs to watch and drink beer during, and the TWO INCHES OF SNOW* that fell in less than an hour, it was decided that remaining open was unnecessary.

Between walking from the front door of the building to my car, I was covered in snow. My navy blue sweatshirt looked white. Which is why I had to change it, since it is now wet.

* I am not impressed by two inches of snow...unless it falls very quickly when we were only supposed to get about an inch anyway. It was so thick you could barely see the road...so I am happily home now for the night.

Dear Winter,

I am officially totally over you.

Love,
Me

UPDATE: (10pm) 8 inches!

P.S. Yay, Not-the-Patriots! Something about half that team makes me want to kick their teeth in.

Didn't See It Coming

Before I went to bed last night, I checked the weather to see how early I'd have to drag my lazy ass out of bed for work this morning.

Looked good...10% chance of tiny snowflakes in no danger of amounting to anything.

Somehow, that became 4 new inches sitting on my car when I left for work...and more coming down.

I was 5 minutes late, since I hadn't calculated needing time to brush off my car or the slower traffic progression....but no one but you will ever know, because the other person working today was 10 minutes late. Sweet.

Petition

You sign now.

CMT Sucks Again

Well, for about 5 days I thought CMT did not completely suck. Now it sucks again. Why? Because apparently they have a whole new crew for Trick My Truck (not "whole" new since two old guys continue) that does not include the Pickett brothers.

What is the damn point?

Here I thought I found another rare television show that I was actually willing to sit still for and watch (it's only 30 minutes, bonus points), and they took away the only reason I was willing to sit still and watch it. Bah!

I hate television.

A Quote for the Extinct

"Call it mother, if you will--but Earth is not a doting parent."

-Isaac Asimov

Yawn

For anyone coming along, hoping to read some dazzling insight to the Iowa Caucuses, keep moving.

I am sick of the presidential campaign already, and have been for a couple months now. We have been inundated with political ads, nightly campaign calls, and traffic-jamming candidate appearances on unprecedented levels.

Good riddance to it all, and good luck to New Hampshire. Many of us look forward to being left alone for a few months.

Election fatigue. We has it.

One of a Million

Lost power for five hours, and I must say that doing homework by candlelight rather sucks.

At least I had candles and matches and butane lighters and flashlights and blankets and a battery-operated radio and food and water and all that sort of thing.

At least my power is back and my furnace is on full-blast. Yay, MidAmerican Energy emergency crews!

A mad paper-typing frenzy shall ensue as soon as I eat something warm.

Historicicle

The U finally gave in at 11:45 and cancelled classes for the rest of the day...they never do that. Other local colleges; state, county, and city offices; and every school district in the state can be closed, but the U will stubbornly remain open. So for them to close, people must have been falling down left and right all over university property.

I wouldn't know, because I have not left my house.

See, the U refuses to cancel classes, but that just leads to profs taking matters into their own hands...all but one of my classes was cancelled already, and I opted not to risk going to that one. I'm sure it would have been fun to ride a bus attempting to climb or descend the big hill on campus, but I've had my fill of bus fun for one week.

Ice, Ice, Baby

Massive ice storm forecasted to begin tonight..."all preparations for the ice storm should be complete by midnight."

My preparations include a printing frenzy of all my finals work...I don't have a single in-class final this semester. They are all take-home finals and projects, meaning it is all on the computer. So if I lose power, I'll have major problems getting to my work.

My preparations are complete with a half-hour to spare. Let's just hope I don't lose power, though, because it's fricking cold up in this bitch.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

It's snowing, which looks pretty and peaceful. And then you get on a bus and fish-tail and slide down a hill in it, followed by a turn that becomes too wide because of the sliding/ineffective brakes action...and just in general you're lucky you made it home without injury.

I think I'll stay in for the rest of the night. Have to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent anyway...
_____

Have you wondered what it would be like if men's appearances were subjected to the same scutiny as women's? Wonder no more.

The Future

Turns out there is something one can do with a history and anthropology degree, after all.

Instead of Writing My Paper...

Okay, if this woman had simply run off with another man, she would have contacted her family by now to let them know she's alive. She's not alive.
_____

Another question, Keith...Spaghetti-O's. With meatballs? Or without?

I have to go with the meatballs, myself. Otherwise it's tasteless noodles in tomato water.

Gratitude

Today is, of course, Veterans' Day.

Many thanks to all veterans and active military for answering the call when freedom is threatened. What you do matters, and does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Assimilate or Die

My favorite bar ever is endangered. It's a little neighborhood pub where I rang in more than half of my legal-drinking-age birthdays--starting with the 21st. Well...that can't be quite true...my 21st after midnight I was in a different town...then later that day I was hitting all the bars here in Iowa City...then I spent the rest of the night with a boy...hmm.

Okay, my first time in my favorite bar was technically the day after my 21st birthday. What can I say? It was a weekend birthday, so it was extra-lengthy. And extra vomity. But I digress.

Anywho. The point being, they're wanting to tear it down to build some monstrosity of a grocery store. In a nice little brick-house neighborhood with nice little neighborhood businesses. Like a nice little Irish bar where I know the owner and all the long-term bartenders are nice to me, even the crabby one who isn't nice to anyone. He's my favorite bartender ever.

The whole world's going to be Gaps and Starbucks, right? (I'm into movie quotes today.)

There are worse things in the world than a bar closing, but it still sucks...

Bzzzzt!

It is raining buckets right now, and there are some fools outside playing in it. Which is fine, except for the LIGHTNING. And I am telling you, there is a ton of lightning.

Anyway, name a country. Any country. In the comments. Do it, bitches.

Pool Drain Phobia Reinforced

GAH! I love to swim, but have always had an intense aversion to being above/near the drains.

Worst Mascot Ever

(You know, besides the racist ones. *cough*Redskins*cough*)

The Boston Celtics have a terrible mascot. Or is it just me? A club-wielding, pipe-smoking, bowler-hat-and-bowtie-wearing leprechaun? Really?

Okay, maybe not the worst ever. Which college team has a tree running around their sidelines? Stanford? That one is hella-lame. Especially since they are the Stanford Cardinals. WTF? Okay, they used to be racist, but they stopped and now they have a tree instead of an Indian. Good for them, but why not, say, a cardinal? They say the tree is not really their mascot, but there is a tree in their logo, so...yeah.

What are some other bad sport mascots/logos?

Dogs and Cats Living Together!

Does this mean I have to like Jeff Gordon now?

Why no, no it doesn't. :-)

Cool

Trilobites live!

Old-School

Excellent. I'll have to go see that one.

1991

In 1991, the University of Iowa had a shooting. It was my senior year of high school, after I had decided I would attend UI the following fall. I remember the sites of the killings creeped me out back then--I never liked Van Allen Hall in particular, and was more than happy to successfully avoid entering Jessup until 2005.

I still don't like Van Allen Hall (but have been stuck in classes in it all year), and whenever I walk on the T. Ann Cleary Walkway, I remember why it got its name. Most of the students now don't know about the Gang Lu shootings. It was horrible, but it has been mostly forgotten. Other than a small plaque and wreath that nobody pays attention to, there's not much left to remember it by.

I don't think Virginia Tech's horrific incident today will be forgotten by that campus in the decades to come. The scale of it is just too big. My heart breaks for the victims, their families, witnesses, and the rest of the university community.

A Quote

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

-Benjamin Franklin

I've always liked that one.

My 2¢

I don't think continuing to campaign is going to win Edwards any votes. There will be some people who think he should be spending his time with his wife, and there will be plenty of people who think his wife's illness will be too distracting for a potential world leader.

More Than One Choice

Like, say, adoption?

Strange New World

So kids these days gain weight over summer break...sad commentary on kids' lives, if you ask me.

Back in The Day, I always gained a little weight over the winter, because I was stuck inside instead of running wild in the woods/around the neighborhood until dusk.

Summer time was a time to be outside every waking moment until your parents dragged you in the house kicking and screaming after the streetlights came on. They had to hose off the layer of grime and dirt you picked up, playing in the creek or exploring the woods or playing kickball or whatever.

Now I guess kids are inside watching TV and playing video games all summer. Not quite their fault, since most parents won't let their kids out of sight for fear they'll be kidnapped and assaulted.

Youth is truly wasted on the young.

I Don't Get It

This.

"It's 100 percent voluntary, so if the passenger doesn't feel comfortable with it the passenger doesn't have to go through it," Melendez said.

...

"It does provide a higher level of security," Mitchell said.

If it's voluntary, how does it provide better security? Unless we're assuming people with weapons will opt for x-ray instead of pat-down? Which why would they do if they realize the "higher level of security" is due to the implicit statement here that the pat-down is not as effective?

I'm guessing it won't be voluntary for long.

Free Advice

Sick of the paparazzi stalking your every move? Are they driving you to a breakdown?

I have the solution. If you follow these steps, your life will be much less, umm, chaotic.

Ready?

Step one: Go home.

Step two: Stay there.

Bleh

Sometimes it is so cold for so long that all you want to do is curl up under a blanket and sleep until spring.

I wish I was a bear. Hibernation. Good stuff.

Can't Say I'm Shocked

That game sucked.

(sniffle!) Bears. (sniffle!)

Waiting on the World to Change

This song makes me so angry when I hear it on the radio...

"Waiting On The World To Change"

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Yes, by all means, sit on your couch watching cartoons and whining instead of doing anything about all the wrongs you perceive in the world around you. That sounds like the best possible course of action.

John Mayer, I hate your damned song. What kind of passive, lame bullshit is that?! You are an effing retard. No wonder you and Jessica are dating. I really hope the two of you refrain from merging genetic material, as I am sure that your dumb asses would start the devolution of human society.

There's Life Out There

As many of you are aware, I like to go camping in Wisconsin every summer. I usually sleep in a tent in the campgrounds my family has cleared in the woods.

There are bears in the woods and the occasional bobcat--I've seen the latter once and the former a couple times. I usually see a bald eagle every year--there is normally a nest on or near our lake. There are timberwolves...known packs are near our area, and last year they attacked hunting dogs a few miles away. I've never seen or heard a wolf--or if I heard one, I convinced myself it was a dog. I've seen large dog-like tracks when I've gone ATVing away from the "residential" area, though.

Bears are ten times more common than eagles, and even though I haven't seen bears very often, I always hear about either someone who did or some mischief they got into the night before. They like to pull down the bird feeders, you know.

Wolves are about as common as the eagles, but stay away from developed land for the most part. I think I'd rather see a bear at night than a wolf, anyway.

Here's a Question...

Let's say a high school is built in a predominately-black neighborhood. The school needs a mascot/nickname, and the kids vote to be the "Crackers" and have someone dress up in a Revenge of the Nerds type getup to be the mascot. Or they call themselves the "Wops" and have a Godfather-type mascot, except without any guns or violent imagery.

Would you have a problem with this? Why or why not?

Retaliatory Strike

Dear Europe,

Goddamnit, you will pay for this. I don't care if we did send you Madonna first...this is crossing the line. We have enough insipid, undernourished, overexposed celebrities running around that we don't need you to export yours across the Atlantic. I will not forgive this.

Rot in Hell you bastards,

Me

P.S. We still won't give a crap about soccer, either.

Merry Christmas

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas weekend and are too busy with friends and family to check this blog for any updates.

Because there won't be any. :-)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Yay, Murderers and Racists!

OJ and Kramer have pushed that stupid Italian wedding off the front page. I can not tell you how annoyed I am with the TV Guide channel. I've had to mute it all weekend just to be able to stand it long enough to see what else is on television.

The only way I could give less of a crap about that wedding is if I was dead. Seriously. Do. Not. Care.

More Important Things

You know, a person who homewrecks a man from his pregnant girlfriend, promises to love and honor and whatnot til death does them part, hurriedly gets pregnant twice to match his former girlfriend's hold on him, then text messages him to let him know she was lying about the til death do them part bit...is not an angel.

No matter how thin or pretty she is.

And I am officially sick of them both. Something else (besides a wedding in Rome this week, because I honestly could not care any less about "TomKat") needs to push them off the front pages of the websites.
_____

Most of my Christmas shopping is done. When I go home for Thanksgiving, I will take the gifts with me, wrap them, and leave them under the tree that I will probably have to put up before I come back here.

Just when I got the hang of putting up my parents' old ginormous tree (we do fake trees), Mom had to buy a new one. So we'll see how that goes.
_____

Tuesdays are normally my day of getting a lot of schoolwork done, but yesterday I got nothing done. Well...that's not entirely true. I cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and my car. I sorted all the Christmas presents out to see what I have left to do. I got the next month's birthday gifts in order, and I did the shopping.

But I didn't do any schoolwork or studying. Not good. Now I'm behind. Ta.

Veterans' Day

To all military veterans and those currently in the service alike: THANK YOU!

I beg forgiveness for not posting a Thank You earlier, but I've been working since yesterday. (Well, I did have a break, but that involved personal hygiene and sleep and little else.)

Ice Cold

Britney supposedly broke up with Fed-Ex via text message.

No word if Bush did the same to Rumsfeld.

At least divorce by text messaging is more personal than divorce by fax. I think.

Five Year Plan

Five years ago, life was framed in the short-term because life was potentially very short. Now we can look to longer-term goals in how we want our world to be shaped.

Your goals may not be my goals, but we all have the chance to show the government and the world what we want from our futures.

Vote.

Lucy in Chicago

Sometime in the next few years, Lucy will be in a city near you. One of the planned stops is Chicago, and assuming I don't make it to another city (and still live near Chicago), that will be my next hot museum date. I'll make a point of seeing her somewhere, because she is a fossil I have studied at some length and it's just too awesome an opportunity to pass up.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lucy's importance, here is some information about her.

My Team Was Out in May

Apparently the World Series is going on. I thought it was still the playoffs. Obviously, I don't have a dog in this hunt.

Plus I'm busy. Yeah, busy, that's the ticket.

Selfish Little ****

This is not a suicide attempt. Pulling in front of a semi truck at full speed is a suicide attempt. Pulling in front of a compact car is a selfish play for drama by a spoiled, thoughtless brat used to getting her own way...a suicidal gesture, if you will, but not an actual attempt to kill herself.

She deserves to spend the rest of her useless life rotting in prison, alone with herself and the guilt her lawyer claims she feels.

Yaaaa! Aliens Landed on Soldier Field!

So, Chicago was awesome, as usual. Here are the requisite Sue pictures...
(clicky to enlarge any of these)

No pics of the Tut exhibit, as pics are forbidden in the Tut exhibit. You have to pay to see it yourselves, or order the exhibit catalog and avoid the crowds. You know, whatever.

I do, however, have pictures of something that can only be described as "hideous". You see, the last time I was wandering around the Soldier Field neighborhood was when they were renovating it. That was, what? 2003? Since then I have seen the "improved" Soldier Field on television, but it doesn't look so bad from the blimp's-eye view.

From the front (meaning city-side rather than lake-side) at street-level, it looks like a giant UFO landed on top of Soldier Field. I didn't get pics of the front, as I was too horrified to think quickly enough to pull out the camera and kill the flash setting to take a picture through a vehicle window. I did, however, take some of the side from the Field Museum steps.

This one is the entire side view as seen from the Field Museum. You can see they preserved the front and back stone columns that were so iconic to the building, but the new addition does not resemble or reference the old architecture in any way that I can see.

This is a closer look at the front (city-side) part...you can see the rounded metal abortion hovering over the old stone facade.

This is a closer look at the wings of the spaceship in back (lake-side), which may or may not be less horrifying than the front. I never went on that side to see it.

And lest you think I'm just generally opposed to change, you can go here to see a stadium that was renovated yet maintained its original character and avoided the unfortunate UFO-landing-on-the-field look of Soldier Field. The original brick arches of that stadium were worked into the design instead of just kept around in a detached manner near the new construction.

So Worth It

I haven't watched WWE wrestling (or any other kind) in many, many moons, but tonight on Raw (USA, 8 central, I believe) Kevin Federline supposedly gets his ass kicked by some wrestler I never heard of. He's apparently a former marine and one of the current champs, John Cena.

So yeah, it might be time to tune in to wrestling again. For a few minutes anyway. Because the only thing that could top a marine pretending to beat K-Fed would be anyone actually beating K-Fed. In my opinion.

Where Are My Gloves?

It was, what? A week ago that I posted about it being hot here?

Tonight we're supposed to get snow flurries.

If I wanted to have two seasons, I'd live in northern Wisconsin...where there is winter and July.

Best Pilot Ever Saw, So On And So Forth...

I saw Gordon Cooper's Mercury flight helmet and watch today and you didn't. Nyah nyah.

Fighting Dirty

Because of a recent physical altercation involving a boy and a girl, self defense has been a frequent topic of conversation in my circle. I really think every female should take a self-defense course, even if it's just for an hour. (But not just me showing you how to throw a punch or break a wrist.)

If you are attacked, you need to fight back as if your life depends on it. Because it might. Fight to injure, maim, or whatever you have to do to have time to get away. "Whatever you have to do" means killing if it comes to that.

Know how to throw a punch. First, know how to make a fist. If your thumb is under your fingers, you'll hurt yourself. Bring your fingers in tightly against your palm, then wrap your thumb across them. Lead with your first knuckle and try to punch downwards for more force. The nose and stomach are good places to aim for, and if landed well will probably give you time to run away.

Kicking the sensitive areas are perfectly acceptable. Twice, if possible.

Scratching the eyes is also perfectly acceptable. Keys and pens are useful for that, too. While you have your keys or pen handy, remember that the side of the ribcage is pretty sensitive.

If your attacker has an earring, take it out. To be perfectly clear on this, rip the earring from the earlobe....the facial piercing from the lip, brow, whatever.

If a person physically threatens you and there is no escape route, you need to act decisively. You need to assume he means to seriously injure or even kill you. Don't be squeamish about hurting another person, because he won't be squeamish about hurting you.

How Could I Live Otherwise?

Clearly, I must have one of these.

So, have I mentioned my birthday is coming up?

So Wrong

So so wrong.

I pity the archaeologists of the future.

Abstinence

I hereby declare I will not have sex for the next year.

Unless Ewan McGregor becomes available.

Or Vince Vaughn.

Or Mike Piazza.

Or Ray Liotta.

Or Richie Sambora.

Or Matt Stone.

Or Gerard Butler.

Or LL Cool J.

Or Jason Mewes.

Or Ralph Fiennes.

Or Josh Hartnett.

Or Dave Navarro.

Or Troy Aikman.

Or that cute history grad student I met but didn't pay much attention to at the time because I had a boyfriend.

Or Angelina Jolie.

Or Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Or Cuba Gooding, Jr.

Or Captain Jack Sparrow.

Or Danny Masterson.

This list is probably incomplete and will change over the next 365 days as my whims vary.

Competition

Okay, this post is only for the people who are showing up here by searching for Matt Stone's wife or if Matt Stone is married or if Trey Parker is married. The rest of you can skip it.

As far as I know as of this moment in time, Matt Stone is not married but is possibly still dating this woman. They were dating at least as early as the end of 2004...and photographed as recently as fall of 2005 that I know about. Could have been more recent that I don't know about.

Trey Parker got married in January this year to a lady named Emma Sugiyama. Pics here.

Carry on.

UPDATE 10/2/06: Matt Stone may be dating someone else. Pics and details here...along with more pics of Mrs. Parker.

If I Had a Gun

I'd shoot the hood of the car whose alarm or panic button or whatever has been going off for 5 minutes. I am so not in the mood.

Of course, that probably wouldn't disable the annoying beeping noise. But it would make me feel better.
_____

I have to work this afternoon. I don't wanna. I don't wanna! Idontwanna!!!

Goddamnit, why don't temper tantrums work anymore??
_____

It appears one of my e-mail accounts has been hacked. None most of you know about, but one I borrow from my parents. The master account seems to have been hacked, which in turn leads the rest of them to be effed. This annoys me greatly. GREATLY.

Drunken Bikers Everywhere

Not the kind you're thinking of. The Lance Armstrong kind. Lance himself, too, actually.

(click to enlarge)

That's right, it's RAGBRAI time--the annual drunken bike ride across Iowa, and they're heading this way.

Tomorrow will suck beyond all reason. Because I have to work. Sober.

Wake Up, Bitch, You're My New Best Friend!

One would think I'd have seen this movie about 8 years ago. It has everything. Dale Earnhardt, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Matt Stone's ass, Matt Stone tonguing everybody in sight (including Trey Parker in a scene best described as "horrifying"), and of course...Matt Stone's ass. (It has Trey's ass, too, but I've always been a Matt girl and now I feel even more justified. Sorry, Trey. Like you're reading this.)

But for one reason or another, I kept putting it off and never got around to seeing it. Well, thanks to a friend of mine buying me a copy after we talked about my Matt Stone obsession ($6.99 at Best Buy, get one for yourself!), I have finally seen it.

Hilarious. Anyone who likes Trey and Matt will be rolling. You even get a little taste of Trey doing Mr. Garrison and Cartman voices as an extra bonus.

And I had been leaning towards this decision re: Matt's hair...the Jewfro circa 1998/1999 was the best one. Then beginning around Oscar time (pink dress), it started getting smaller and not as good...until it finally disappeared completely. I mentioned that I like the short hair, and I do. But I'm kinda missing the 98/99 fro. Back in the good old days when everyone else thought Trey was so cute and I had Matt to myself. Sigh.

Yep, I waited all day to be able to sign in to post this. And you waited all day (or maybe even 2 by the time you read this) to read this. Suckas.

/Matt Stone blogging.

Anywho, watch BASEketball if you like South Park or sophomoric humor. Or just want to see Bob Costas exclaim about his hard nipples.

Hotter

From spam: Women in their 30s are hotter! Old enough to know how to please men in bed!

Can't argue that. Everyone should get one. :-p

Got my first birthday card of the year a few days ago. It came from my insurer, so they must have typed a "7" where the "9" goes in their database. So the reminder of my impending 32nd birthday was a nice balance to the co-worker who guessed I was 25 earlier in the day.

Me at 5:00--"Haha, I'm not so old."

Me at 6:35--"Damnit, I'm so old."

Oh, well, at least I'm not two months away from 42. :-D

Pirates, Dead Man's Chest And So On

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with Trey Givens and say I liked the movie.

It was a little too jam-packed with action, maybe, but it certainly made the time fly. Lots of throw-back references to the first movie, but we've all seen it, so we all got the jokes. Nothing wrong with that.

And it ended in a way that makes me anticipate the third installment. Nothing wrong with that, either.

It was fun times. Maybe not quite as much as the first, but I think that's only because the novelty wore off. I recommend it...just make sure you get the small pop like I did so you're not going to the bathroom at a critical juncture like my companion did.

Torrential Downpour

Daylight, 15 mph, wipers on full speed, can't see anything but the waves kicking up on either side of the car? Not so good.

The rain stopped like 30 minutes ago and there is still a small stream flowing through the parking lot.

But I can now officially say I am ready for my vacation. Everything is bought, laundry is laundered, everything that can be is packed, and I could leave within 15 minutes. But I'll wait until Wednesday. I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday...will leave for my parents' house after work Wednesday. Will finish packing up my gear (the camping equipment is in storage near them), and take off with the kids Thursday morning.

I am so ready. Work will suck beyond all reason for the next three days.

Am I The Only One Not Surprised?!

Team USA was knocked out of the World Cup in what was not exactly a shocker. At least, I didn't think so. Everyone else seems deluded enough to be surprised.

Hello, they had scored one goal in the first two games, and that goal was knocked in by an opposing player.

Anyway, maybe now everyone in this country will lose interest in the whole affair and I can go back to watching baseball at work. Not a big soccer fan, in case you hadn't noticed.

(Go, Sweden!)

Thanks, Italy

For scoring a goal for the United States.

I'm at work. Obviously. Or I wouldn't even know there was a game on.

Shocker

Someone has reconsidered his stance on motorcycle helmets after smashing a windshield with his face.

Whodathought?
_____

I just ordered pizza. Thin crust, chicken with green peppers. I like to order "weird" pizza because it ensures the leftovers won't be eaten by the roommate. It's dinner for three days, man. Few things suck more than looking forward to leftover pizza for dinner, only to get home and find it's gone. I especially like the alfredo chicken pizza, but didn't want to spring for that tonight. Trying to save for vacation, you know.

Good Morning, World

And so long, Abu.

It's already a good day.

A Decision

I have decided, after no deliberation, as a purely knee-jerk reaction, that should I ever have children, they will live in a plastic bubble and never get their driver's license until they are of an age to find out they have legal rights and don't need my permission.

A kid who had his driver's license for a week pulled out in front of a truck the other day. He'll be buried tomorrow and his passenger will be buried Wednesday.
_____

Tomorrow is 6-6-06. One of my co-workers plans to bunker down at home and not leave the house. I'll be at work, making the money she should have been.

Works for me.

Poacher

It costs $50 for an annual non-resident Wisconsin fishing license. Or $28 for a 15-day non-resident Wisconsin fishing license.

Alternately, a box of frozen fish sticks is, what? $4?

So anyway, I will continue to fish illegally if I fish at all. I'm not paying $28 for the privilege of catching some crappy little panfish that I'll release anyway. I usually don't maintain interest long enough to catch anything good, and if I did catch one good fish, I'd call it a day. If I was going out on Lake Superior, that'd be different, but to throw a hook out into our lake*...not so much.

I'd be happy to throw a ten-spot in the state coffers to help with the cost of stocking fish and whatnot, but I don't think my slight use is worth much more than that. Maybe I'd get generous and push it to $20, but nearly $30 seems too much.

* (We do have some decent fish in the lake, but it's been awhile since I've caught anything good.)

Defending SuperTwit

You know what? Britney Spears tripping and almost dropping her son is not news. Britney tripping and dropping her son while saving the drink she was also carrying would be news.

The press is going to give the poor girl a nervous breakdown. I can't begin to imagine what I would do if every move I made was documented and dissected. I'm thinking "become a hermit" sounds about right.

UPDATE: For those of you coming here via search engines, go here to see more details. I'm no fan, but even I pity her, looking at that picture. What a horrible way to live, to have vultures with flashbulbs following you everywhere.

Less Destructive, One Hopes

I think we've had enough tornadoes in downtown for one year, but there will be more next Friday.
_____

I did get my errands done today...got a radio I think will work for Dad. He wanted one for his office at work, with even a small CD boombox being deemed acceptable, but needing a digital AM/FM tuner. That was his only requirement. I ended up getting a little shelf system the same size as a boombox, but nicer-looking and with a remote control.

As for my shorts, I only found one pair in the style I wanted. I had hoped to get two, but the colors I wanted weren't available in the necessary size. They were on clearance, so pickings were slim, and I just came away with a red pair. I could have gotten a pair of white ones, but I'm taking these camping, and they wouldn't be white for long. I'm really not a fan of dirt marks on my butt. Call me crazy. I could have gotten lime green, but I don't have a lot of shirts to match that sort of thing. I have a lot of white shirts, but did I mention the camping thing? Yes, I did.
_____

I'm rambling. The Boy is out of town and I must bore someone. You're it.
_____

I haven't worn socks more than once in the last month. Maybe two. Yay, sandals! Yay, not having a real job that requires professional footwear!

Up Too Early To Get Anything Done

The problem with Sunday morning is everything is closed and everyone is asleep. I was up with the sun this morning, and the only thing I've been able to accomplish is taking a shower and eating breakfast (Perkins carryout, I've been wanting the Deli Ham and Lots-of-Cheese omelette for weeks and treated myself).

Can't go to the store to get the shorts I want because it's not open until noon. Can't go to the other store to look at radios for Father's Day because it's not open until ten. Can't run the vacuum because it's too loud. Can't do laundry because it's too early (too loud).

This is why the Sunday paper has so many ads...so you can spend hours looking at things you can buy when the stores finally open. That's my theory.

If I wasn't a heathen, I could kill a few hours by going to church, but let's be serious. I'm not going to church. Should just take a nap until the world wakes up.

Eh. Either Way

It's either Air Guard week here or the USAF is planning to bomb I-80. There are criss-crosses all over the sky for the second day in a row.

Prejudiced Movie Review

I finally saw the most recent version of Pride and Prejudice. I really never intended to see it, mostly because I am sick to death of Keira Knightley, but also because the trailers looked suspect to me.

I'm a big fan of the book, and of two prior mini-series versions of it. I really didn't think a 2-hourish movie could do the story justice.

I still don't think it can. The Keira version is not exactly ambitious. A lot of characters are cut out, and a lot of scenes are blended with one another to shorten the film. Visually, it is a departure, because the filmmaker seems to be aiming for realism in his depiction of the era. The problem with such an approach is that Jane Austen wasn't about clotheslines or pigs and chickens in the Bennet yard. She was about the relationships and manners going on inside the Bennet house.

Now for a little pettiness. Another visual departure is the physical appearance of Elizabeth. Keira's figure is as distracting to me for its lack of curves as Jennifer Ehle's Elizabeth was distracting for her overabundance (she's, shall we say, blessed). Plus I find Keira's grinning to be weird-looking. Her smile looks like a dog growling and showing its teeth. You know. To me.

I think many of the characters were robbed of their interesting qualities by the time constraints. Mrs. Bennet in particular is not fully fleshed out, and that's a shame because her character is rather amusing. I'm not sure someone unfamiliar with the story could follow this version very well, but I'd have to find out from someone unfamiliar with the story.

In this version, Mr. Darcy is played by Matthew Macfadyen, who does a wonderful job. He makes Mr. Darcy much more sympathetic a character early on than he is in the previous versions I linked to. He comes off more obviously shy than rude. To compliment his portrayal is high praise, since I absolutely love Colin Firth--another Mr. Darcy.

Beyond my comparisons to the prior versions, and looking at the movie in its own right, I did find myself drawn in towards the end. A girl always loves a love story, and this is a love story that has been adored for nearly two centuries. Our heroine gets her man, and we even get a (very) little look at their life after the wedding...something denied us by the mini-series versions. It's going to have to rank below those two versions for me, however. But that doesn't mean I won't watch it again or don't recommend it.

I'd be curious to know what someone who didn't know the story thinks of the movie. So all you boys go rent it and let me know. I'd use my own little guinea pig, but he's been forced to watch the Colin Firth version already.

Sign No Llama

That was the subject line on a spam mail today.

Almost bizarre enough to raise my interest.
_____

I am wearing the first shorts of the season. (And a tank top, but not the first tank top of the season.)

Therefore, it is officially summer. No matter what anybody tries to tell you about June 22.
_____

I have never thought scrubs were at all attractive. Quite bland, actually. But I have changed my mind.

I shall not explain myself.
_____

I paid $30 for gas for the first time ever today. And I paid $32. I remember not so long ago--with the same car and same president--when I never paid even $20 to fill up. If bombing Iran will get me back under $20, I'm all for it.

I kid.
_____

I found out today that my presentation that was hopefully going to be next week is this week because everyone else in my class sucks and needs to wait until next week.

So.

Panicking a little.

Bye now.

Tornado Safety

If a tornado is right over your (expletive) house, why are you calling 911 and demanding that a police officer come right over? What do you think (s)he will do? Shoot it? Get in your basement or an interior room, cover your head and neck, and stop bothering people.

(The 911 tapes have been released. People are fun.)

And to the jewelry store owner who demanded an officer go make sure his store was secure during the storm: human lives are more important than your inventory. Even police officers' lives, you schmuck.

Big Deal

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had their baby, possibly in a "silent birth".

Big whoop on both counts.

Especially the silent birth. If I ever have kids, I'd like to have a silent birth. You don't do a lot of screaming when you're knocked out on a drug cocktail.

Yay, medical science.

Yay, Brooke Shields having her baby...a child with a better chance at a normal life than Suri Cruise.

Good Morning, Hamas

I peruse my spam folder frequently to delete the junk and rescue the occasional non-spam. This morning, one item caught my eye amidst the penis enlargements offers and threats from Chase Manhattan to suspend my non-existent bank card with them. The sender name was "Hamas" and the subject line was "Hamas". The previewed text was Arabic, so who knows what it said.

I wonder if I got some kind of Palestinian hate mail, or maybe they're looking for donations.

Either way, deleted it with the rest of the garbage.

"Storms May Contain Tornadoes"

Rocky night ahead. And me with no ice cream in the house.

It's super-thundery out, which finally led me to check the weather in the first place. Not much rain, but nearly-constant thunder.

Really put a damper on my nap.

Unpleasant Picture

Just saw a flash of the headline, "MLB to bring in ex-Senator to probe Bonds".
_____

Which reminds me (and take that as you will), I've been perusing the Cubs' schedule. Why can't they play in Atlanta in August instead of September?

No reason.

He Doesn't Look Drunk

When I picture Shank, which isn't very often no matter what he likes to think, I picture him as drunk and pissed off. He doesn't look either. What a letdown.

But his wife's a hottie.

Wha?

I never thought Britain was a nuclear power. Apparently they did. Weird.
_____

It's going to snow again tonight, which makes me think about moving south. this kind of thing reminds me why I won't.

Happy Spring

I shouldn't tell you this, but there is a webcam pointing at the Old Capitol building. Most of my classes are in the two buildings on either side in the front.

Anyway, the point being, look at the lovely weather we're having:

(click to enlarge)

(And FYI, the barrier is around the Old Cap because it's being refurbished.)

Impatience

I hate it when I'm waiting for an update, say to someone's health issue, and none is forthcoming. And then I'm all like, goddamnit, why didn't I program their cell number into my phone? But then I'm all like, well, I don't want to be bothering people anyway.

But damnit, I want to know how that person is.
_____

Someone (not the person above) was seriously injured in a car crash outside my apartment building. I hope it was a spammer. I got home from the bookstore (yay, books!) and saw an impressive array of emergency vehicles appearing to block the road ahead. I took the back way into my apartment complex, and they were right in front of my building, except out on the road. They're still out there.
_____

My nephew likes to play with my fingernails. He'll be talking to me or sitting with me or whatever, and idly play with them forever. He's very tactile, my nephew.

Too Young

Yesterday at work I said something about Kirby Puckett having a stroke, and one of the guys said, "Well, he's getting up there."

I replied (in some degree of shock), "He's only 44!"

Which the co-worker finally agreed was pretty young to be having strokes.

It's also too young to be dying of strokes. Way too young, especially for such a sweetheart of a guy.

Umm, What?

The Boy overheard this the other day, so I can't verify its accuracy, but I don't doubt its accuracy.

A couple of girls were in a heated political discussion, both of them greatly displeased with the current administration, when one of them exclaimed:

And now Bush is just handing over total control of our ports to Iraq!

And her friend not only didn't correct her (on any count), but agreed with her and joined her outrage.

It's exciting that these two and all their sorority sisters can vote. At least they'll probably vote for the Democratic candidate. ;-)

Seriously, though, I find myself in the odd position of defending the Bush administration more often than I like. Or, if not defending, at least correcting misinformation and filling in knowledge gaps (like I'm so well-informed, generally avoiding politics like I do). So I don't doubt the story about these two girls even a little.

But really. Iraq?! Boggles the mind.

Mailbag

Several moons ago, I received an e-mail from a gentleman who is of the Republican persuasion. In it was a debate about something I posted on, including whether or not my particular liberal arts major is relevant or useful to today's world. My favorite part was this line...

As a holder of a BS degree, I always look down my nose at those with only a BA.

Which was actually an excellent addition to the debate, because the person pursuing a BA was probably too angry to be terribly cogent afterwards. I don't really remember, and never again heard from the gentleman in question following my response. I saved his e-mail, but not mine.

Anyway, today I've been engaged in a slightly similar (though much less condescending) correspondence with a friend of mine, and it reminded me of the other.

So what say you? Are history, literature, and art degrees useless? Shall we all go into business, health, and engineering? Shall we never again elect a president with some "fluff" history degree?

Bad Things to Hear on the Radio in the Morning

"Today's high will be 8 degrees. Right now it's 3."

Most/Least Favorite Things

One of my least favorite things is to go inside a building when it's dry and sunny outside...only to leave a building some hours later to discover snow and murk.

Especially since I'm a paranoid baby about walking on ice ever since the nearly-cracking-my-head-open incident.
_____

One of my most favorite things is watching Sopranos DVDs (season 5) and eating popcorn with my attractive bf while it snows outside.

Bye.

"A Strong Heart and a Nerve of Steel"

Spring Break is coming.

My tax refunds are coming (poverty paid off this year).

Therefore, we have decided to take a little trip west. I haven't done a real Spring Break trip since...high school. And parents were involved, so I'm not sure that even counts.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have snacks to make. Go, umm, NFC team, I guess. Have to root for somebody. May as well be Seattle, since everyone else is taking Pittsburgh.

Babies Having Babies!

My sister's friends keep having kids. Out of wedlock, I might mention, but that's the rule rather than the exception lately, seems like. My sister is seven years younger than me, so it's sometimes hard to remember she's fully adult now.

The latest one to get knocked up is her best friend, a girl I used to babysit and drive to her dance lessons and (Catholic) confirmation classes. She's not married, and was supposed to finish her Bachelor's next December. That might be a bit hard with a baby due in September, but she says she's going to do it no matter what.

It's still just so strange to me that these girls my sister's age can be mothers...I should be used to it by now. I don't think this particular girl is ready, but she's happy, and I know her child will be loved and cared for. Besides, some people wait until they're ready and find that when they're ready, the opportunity has passed them by.

Next I'll Be Sued By Third Baseline Guy

WTF?! People sue over everything. Especially if the defendant (or her husband) has lots of money.

Axelrod's attorney, Jay Paul Deratany, said he planned to sue Davis and his wife for more than $1 million. Deratany said he was writing the papers Thursday for a battery suit against Kendra Davis and a slander case against Antonio Davis, and planned to file them Friday.

Battery is something the police can handle with criminal charges. Slander is ridiculous, because I somehow doubt this guy's reputation has been ruined to the tune of a million bucks in damages. Would we have even known who the fan involved was if he hadn't come out with his attorney to parade in front of the microphones and cameras?

Get a life.

Heh. Indeed.

This is the funniest thing I've read today, especially this part:

UPDATE: Heh. I've just been trampled by an apocalyptic horseman, so blogging may be light

UPDATE: The trampling video is now available at The Political Teen.

Heh. Read the whole thing.

Dumb Things To Do After Graduating From Med School

Getting arrested for conspiracy to deliver Meth. And being held on $130,000 bond, thus ensuring your lengthy stay in jail because no one wants to put their house up to get you out.

I feel my White Trash Cred rising just by knowing her. (Even if only through somebody else.)

Snippets

Co-worker (CW) has a lesbian roommate who has taken up with a woman old enough to have a 30-year relationship with another woman. Said "another woman" was then unceremoniously kicked out of the house to make way for the new 20-year-old girlfriend.

ME: It's the same thing as an old man dumping his wife for some young chickie. But at least if it was a dirty old man, his wife would probably get the house.

CW: That's true.

CW is always telling stories about her "lesbian roommate". I say "lesbian roommate" in quotes, because it's never just her "roommate". She has admitted she thinks homosexual activity is disgusting, but says she's not prejudiced. "I have a gay guy friend!" In her defense, she's disgusted by sodomy between men and women as well.

Gay marriage came up, and she said she's against it for religious purposes. We weren't very busy, so I figured I'd delve a little. It was friendly banter, believe it or not.

ME: So you don't believe that all men are created equal with certain inalienable rights bestowed by their Creator, eh?

CW: What?

ME: You know, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

CW: How does being against gay marriage go against that? You don't get to pursue happiness by sinning. Killing customers would make me happy sometimes, and I shouldn't do that.

ME: So doing it up the butt is equivalent to a shooting spree.

CW: That's oversimplifying a lot.

ME: Maybe. But you're definitely saying that their right to happiness is not equal to yours. That their love is not equal to yours.

CW: I am not!

ME: But you can fall in love with somebody and make a life that is worthy of society's respect and protection. According to you, a homosexual can't love like you can, and their love and life isn't worthy of protection--to say nothing of respect. You can run to city hall tomorrow and marry someone you meet tonight, and that is a right worth protecting, but a person who happens to be gay can love somebody for thirty years and then be thrown out into the street without any rights at all.

CW: I'm not saying any of that. It is just not right. It says so in the Bible.

ME: Did you go to church on Christmas?

CW: Shut up. That's not even relevant.

ME: Fine. Just admit that you think homosexuals are incapable of love like heterosexuals and that their love and happiness is unworthy of respect or protection.

CW: No, because I don't think that. I'm not a bigot.

ME: Admit you think they're not equal to you. You're morally superior to them.

CW: I'm not admitting anything. You're twisting it around.

ME: Just trying to make you think about it, that's all.

CW: You let homosexuals marry, and then how do you argue against polygamy?

ME: How is that related? Marriage is between two people. Redefining it to be between two people rather than a man and a woman doesn't open the door to polygamy. Besides, is polygamy really so wrong?

CW: What?!

ME: Sure. The Mormons and the Muslims and who knows who else. It works for them. And marriage between a person and a goat. What's wrong with protecting the goat's rights?

CW: Right, Jen.

ME: Of course, they'll have trouble signing the marriage license, what with the hooves and all. And responding to divorce papers may be problematic, but I'm sure the lawyers will work it out somehow.

I don't think I changed her mind, and I didn't think I would. But personally, I could never look another monogamous and loving person in the eye and say, "You're not equal to me. Your love is not worthy like my love is worthy. Your love is so horrible that it threatens the very fabric of society. But I can't wait to see your next Broadway show. Dance for me, monkey! Dance!"

But hey, that's just me. Trying to save 60-year-old homeless lesbians and goats the world over. And Nathan Lane. Love Nathan Lane.

Hi, There

God save us all from left-handed Jews.

What are you looking at?

Or Something Like This...

Exactly.

Two More Years of Suspicious Border Crossing Agents

Thanks to Homeland Security, I figured I'd never see the beauty of Canada again (seriously, Banff is nice). Because it irks me to no end to have to pay $97 (and the costs of wresting a certified birth certificate out of my birth state, which has been excessively difficult for my parents to obtain their own) and submit all kinds of proof of my citizenship for the privilege of getting back into my own damn country.

Back in the good old days, I could just answer some surly border patrol agent's questions about my birthplace and be on my merry way after he or she decided I probably wasn't smuggling drugs or weapons or illegal Canadian immigrants. On December 31, that God-given American right was supposed to evaporate.

But. Thanks to American bureaucracy at its finest, they won't be ready to implement the passport-only travel restrictions (via land crossings) until December 31, 2007. Ha, ha! International Falls, see you again in the summer.

(Don't think I'm anti-security of the borders. Just think I'm hypocritically anti-security of the borders when I'm the one crossing them. Plus my great-grandmother was here illegally from Canada for forty years, and she never hurt anyone. So clearly it is perfectly safe to let people wander in and out at will. Yes, I am kidding. And yes, I should probably leave that story about Great-Grandma out when dealing with the Border Patrol.)

Oh, and New Topic

Tapioca pudding: for or against, and why?

It's Like Minnesota, Without the Lakes

Too. Freaking. Cold.

There used to be a running joke at my old job about eskimo families living under our desks because it was kept so cold in the building. I fully expect an eskimo to trip over my feet any moment...tomorrow's high is supposed to be 7.

Letter

Dear Neighbor,

What a fun idea, having a karaoke party at 10:30 PM on a Tuesday in an apartment building with thin walls.

Love,
Me

P.S. You suck and I hate you.
_____

Paper's half-done.

Inappropriate Small Talk

Twice in the last week I've had to visit a health care professional's office. And twice in the last week I have been subjected to fairly inappropriate conversations with the employees.

The first time involved gay men and small rodents, and we'll leave it at that.

Today involved a 20-something young man telling me he has no sympathy for overweight smokers who develop heart trouble. Clearly they deserve what they get. Even if that is true, why are you telling ME about other patients and their problems?!
_____

People you don't want to know you well enough to be able to greet you by name on the street:

* Neurologists (this one is who gave me the idea for this list)
* Proctologists
* Warden of the nearest prison
* School principals (your own or your child's)
* Journalists

Can you think of any others?

Now My Clothes Smell Like Smoke

Boo to bouncers who call me "ma'am" and don't even pretend to need to see my ID.

Yay to all the people who said I looked cute/pretty.

Boo to phones with one-button redial calling people from my purse.

Yay to boys giving me unsolicited free beverages.

Boo to bar stamps that won't wash off.

Yay to a wide variety of music--Big N' Rich to Poison to Aretha to Nine Inch Nails.

Boo to ungodly long days making me ready for bed by about...noon. But staying up until...what time is it?

Yay to $2 margaritas making me ready for bed by about...what time is it?

Mental Inventory

Coat's in the closet...gloves in the drawer...scarf? Hmm. Better look for that.

The weather guy described tomorrow as "blizzardy".

Joy.

Sucks To Be A Badger

Badger football player, that is. Nyah, nyah.
_____

There are thousands of people who are willing and able to take care of a child. They have lots of love to give, and are for whatever reason denied the pleasure of holding a newborn in their arms and taking it home.

Then there is my skank ex-sister-in-law, who has virtually abandoned her two children but is having another one. I hope that child will have a father and paternal grandparents willing and able to take care of him or her.

And doesn't the army have rules against fraternization? Not that I think that would discourage her. If anything, it would encourage her. She's been trying to get out since day one.
_____

Know what's nice? When you ask a smart, sciencey type what he's working on for his graduate thesis, and he actually tells you. He doesn't act like it's too far above your head to bother giving even the most basic explanation. That's nice.

Recap

Last night was fun, if a little too crowded for my tastes. We stayed mostly downtown, going to a couple bars. We did end the night by going to one of his friend's houses for a party. It was mostly grad students, so at least I wasn't ten years older than everybody else.

Because of my job, I do tend to run into a lot of people I know when I am out and about. I can't go near campus without someone yelling for me and flagging me down...and I think I saw everybody I know last night. Now they've all gotten a good look at The Boy and can gossip at length about us at work.

Now enough of this frivolity. I must study for my Human Origins exam, which will be held Wednesday night. Which will be the same time that Bon Jovi is on the stage at Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, and I will be two hours away from them. I hope I can manage to read the exam questions through my tears.

Required Reading

Especially for boys who don't understand why even skinny girls don't wear bikinis to the beach.

"I can't die this fat."

I'm trying to pick out a quote, but really, just read the whole thing.

Ipsum Dipsum Whatsit

The standard Lorem Ipsum passage, used since the 1500s

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."

Section 1.10.32 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC

"Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?"

1914 translation by H. Rackham

"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"

(Source.)