February 21, 2006
Asking For Trouble
So like, let's say your first boyfriend ever, from like 100 years ago, wants to come visit you--3 hours away--for a weekend. Okay, not 100 years ago. You broke up when your family moved away when you were 16, but have stayed in touch off and on over the years. So like 15 years ago. But when you've actually seen each other since then, there have been sparks. And when you met his girlfriends, they hated your guts as soon as they heard your name, and you're pretty sure that's not just your imagination. And like all of your boyfriends since have heard his name, because it's pretty sexy sounding.
So like let's say he's never been married and you've never been married, and he's in a job where he wears a cool uniform and carries weaponry. And let's say he also coaches little kids in a particular sport for which he won the state championship back in the day. And let's just say his bod is looking as good as it did when he was 18 years old. You know, back in the day. From what you can tell in the pictures. While he's wearing clothes, because they're not those kind of pictures. And he now enters karaoke competitions, and that cracks you up, because you still can't hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" without imagining him singing it...for reasons no one else needs to read about.
Anyway, you have a boyfriend. So telling the original boyfriend he can visit--even as a friend--would be wrong, don't you think?
Posted by Jenelle at February 21, 2006 10:20 PM | TrackBack*Asking* for trouble? It sounds to me like trouble is already there...
Best of luck to you, young 'un...
I've had far too many of these quandaries in my life, and eventually they all resolve themselves, but not without a lot of heartache.
Posted by: Jack at February 21, 2006 10:28 PMI too have been down this road.
I suspect if the current boyfriend was "the one" you'd tell the old one to fade to black. Knowing there's some sparks there and entertaining the idea of him visiting is quite telling.
Then again I don't know how serious your boyfriend is. Is he a 'tweener? Is he good enough in the sack and smart enough out that he'll do until something better comes along? Difficult questions to answer until situations like these come up.
I forgot.
You can't date someone who sings kareoke. That's what pepper spray is for.
Posted by: Paul at February 22, 2006 06:50 AMI think you should try it, assuming the thing with your current guy isn't very serious. Granted, don't go whoring yourself around; just hang out with him. I would try it a few times and see what happens. If this dude is really that cool, then it won't take to long for him to outshine the current boyfriend.
Posted by: shank at February 22, 2006 07:27 AMSecond the motion on Jack's "asking for trouble" prognosis. From the perspective of the current BF, I got done that way about twenty years ago with the girl I was dating at the time, someone with whom I was quite serious at the time. Her first BF came to town. You know, just to visit, and all that. Let me tell you, no matter how secure you feel in your position at the time, it sucks to be on the receiving end of that.
And oh, by the way, we eventually broke up. And yes, guess who she's still married to. Hindsight tells me we both came out better off in the long run, but what you have in mind is not particularly kind to your current BF. If he takes it in stride, you ought to think seriously about what that says about him. (In a positive way. Or maybe in a negative way, i.e., maybe he's just a sap to put up with it.)
Oh, and second the motion on the pepper spray, too, Paul.
Posted by: Rev. Mike at February 22, 2006 08:22 AMI object! Leading the witness.
[overruled]
Begging the question?
[overruled]
Caveat emptor?
[sustained]
Posted by: Jim at February 22, 2006 10:00 AMI've been rolling this around in my head for a few days now. I like the dilemma. I guess I think my basic opinion is this:
If there is no intent from you or your old boyfriend to look for sparks, having the old bf visit as a friend is okay. People are allowed to remain friends with their ex-partners; I think it is a good sign when they are.
If there is a thought/hope of "there may be sparks when we meet" from you or the old BF, and it sounds like there is this hope, then he shouldn't visit without you ending things with the current boy.
And that's my high-horse opinion.
I'm with you. I've never cheated on anybody in any way, and I'm not going to start now. Golden Rule and all that.
Posted by: Jenelle at February 23, 2006 04:51 PM