September 08, 2006
Maternal Resolve Crumbling
We are now entering Week Two of White Trash Brother: Incarceration v.5.0. I can feel my mother starting to cave in about the bail. Not based on anything specific that she's said, but I know her and I know her behavior. She is depressed. She is dwelling but not talking about it.
She is not answering my damned e-mails. This is the woman who whines and carries on if I don't e-mail her, and now I'm getting crap short-answer responses to my e-mail, if any response at all. The latest? "Will talk tomorrow."
I wasn't even e-mailing about the brother. I was e-mailing about my history writing/getting published/good for the resume thing. And the response? "Will talk tomorrow."
Bleh. I am so excited to visit them tomorrow night. Stupid family. Stupid drama.
Posted by Jenelle at September 8, 2006 11:31 AM | TrackBackYour poor downtrodden brother is in jail for no reason other than he is being picked upon by the MAN and all you want to talk about is you. No wonder your mother is depressed.
Posted by: Pete at September 9, 2006 05:01 AMI hear your pain. Ignore Pete's comment or take it in the mean spirit in which it was intended. I have a son who is older than his twin sisters by two years. He happened to choose a path in life that is similar to that of your brother. His father bailed him out of troubles by paying for multiple car repairs due to drunk driving, posting bond and hiring high priced lawyers. I on the other hand said, you reap what you sow, and believe me, that was the hardest thing I have ever done. He now has cleaned up his life, but is paying with probation for another 3 years. He now looks upon his father as a wallet and comes to me for everything else, sad I know. His sisters are typical college students, one consumed with getting all A's and the other struggling to keep A's and B's. The support they receive from the father is based upon their grades, so one gets more than the other. Of course, this causes friction between them.
I have come to realize that no matter how you love your children, they can not be treated equally. They all deserve love, but they do not necessarily deserve the perks a parent can provide. AND more importantly, the love we give to them may not be in the form that a child wants. Lessons can not be learned when a parent bails their child out of trouble. (pun intended) It must be learned that actions have consequences and no matter how difficult it may be, the payment must be made, in full, by the child, not the parent!
I believe you are right in your belief that your brother stay where he is. His victim attitude needs to be adjusted and he won't realize he is his own worst enemy until he pays for his own mistakes. He most likely will need help with a support group, and I hope he gets it. Maybe your Mom would benefit from an ALANON meeting, so that she could gain support and knowledge that she is not alone Maybe you could go with her that first time when you visit. It could be the first step that saves your brother. Because at this rate, he can't save himself, but your Mom deserves love and support.
Just my thoughts, hope it helps, but I think I may be preaching to the choir as I agree with your stance.
Your Mom may be geeling guilty about wanting to spring your sib and that's why the distance is there 'tween you. It doesn't mean that she's not proud of you, it's just that right now she's hurting so bad.
CONGRATS on the publishing thing! I for one am proud of you...keep up the fabulous work. As a mother, I know she's proud of you, it's just that her pain is overriding everything else.
A Mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child.